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Journal Entry 10/7/08 (Unhindered thoughts straight from
Summer’s journal):

Went to the dumps yesterday (and today). It was more than my
senses could handle – thick, gray sludge at least ankle deep that men, women,
and children walked barefoot through. Shoddy shacks stacked on top of each
other and next to each other, small dark escapes from the sun. The smell of
burning garbage and soot that enters eyes, nose, and mouth. Yet people are
smiling and happy to see us.

Once we entered the dumps, a woman was walking and, upon
seeing us, she burst into a beautiful smile and my heart broke again. Who am I,
God, that they would desire to see us? I saw community among families and more
LIFE than many people have in the USA. At the same time, at lunch
yesterday, I didn’t want to come back – so much suffering and what can be done
about it? But, then maybe it is not suffering, only need. It is suffering
compared to my understanding of life, my experiences. But, to them, it is what
they know.

God, I am reminded of the song that goes: “Ask and I’ll give
the nations to you. O God, that’s the cry of my heart!” I feel you asking me,
“Do you really want them?” To be entirely honest, I don’t know.
My heart hurts. I feel lost and unable to reconcile what I have seen with the life
I know. Yet, I feel responsible. I have seen what life is in the dumps and I
cannot turn from it now.