Have you ever had one of those moments or a series of
moments where you can see how God has been preparing you for a huge download or
a great epiphany as to who He is? I had just such an experience over my spring
break (I’m a teacher, not a student).
Previous to my spring break, I had been working through a
lot of personal issues with a small group at church called ChristLife
(www.christlife.org). I was really seeking wholeness and healing, as well as
breaking down the lies I had believed about myself. I had also been seeking
opportunities to serve God outside of my role as a teacher. In the process, I
found The World Race and was completely stoked to find such an awesome
possibility for the following year.
During my spring break, I spent the first part of the week
in Kansas City
at the International House of Prayer (IHOP) with my Christian mentor. I was
using the time as a retreat to seek after the Lord. While there, my mentor
mentioned, “Summer, I think the Lord really wants you to start to ask Him how
he sees you.” Immediately, I felt convicted…like I had one more thing that I
needed to complete or here was another thing I was failing to do in my
relationship with the Lord. As I thought about her statement, I realized how my
reaction came out of my previous issues of perfectionism and the need to please
others—those lies had even affected my relationship with the Lord!! I was
stunned. Moreover, as I sat in worship at IHOP, I found myself singing along to
songs about love; songs with lyrics about being in love with God and God’s love
for His people. Again, I had to admit to myself that I had so wrapped myself up
with DOING that I had forgotten that my first job is to love God first! Guilt
started to creep in…
After IHOP, I had to drive to Chicago for a Vineyard women’s conference
with people from my church. On the drive, I was listening to CDs by Misty
Edwards and Bebo Norman. Misty Edwards writes a lot of love songs to the Lord.
As I listened, I could feel my heart soften to the Lord’s voice and begin to
try to understand the great depth of His love for me. After her CD finished, I
put in a Bebo Norman CD. I’ve listened to this CD many times. There is one song
on his CD called “To Find My Way to You.” Now, from attending one of his concerts,
I know that he wrote this song to his wife. However, as I listened to the
lyrics, which talked of “hearing her every tear, setting out across the sea to
find his way to her, and when she goes to sleep, his heart keeps the time” to
be with her again, tears started streaming down my face. It was as if I got
this awesome picture of God’s intimate love for me! I could picture God waiting
for me to get up every morning so He could spend time with me. I could picture God setting out to find me or
staying with me no matter where I go or how far I wander from Him. No matter
where I go or what I do, God will always love me!
As this new realization started to sink into the depths of
my soul, I started to get a whole new perspective on missions. I realized that
the reason we should be sharing Jesus with our friends, family, co-workers,
people in foreign lands is that we REALIZE the LOVE of Jesus. It’s not about
judgment, works, a greater sense of purpose, or getting our lives straightened
out…The biggest deal in the whole world is that Jesus died for us because of
his all-consuming love for the people of the world. When we start to understand
the depths of that love, we cannot help but be changed!! We are led to be
servants, to share, to step out in boldness, to lead, to live on the edge…It really is incredible that God supports us with such astounding, overwhelming love!
