We pull up to our ministry, and I am shaken. I immediately feel weird, like an awkward first impression. I think and soon speak to my team that I feel brokenness leading to dependence.
What is brokenness? What does it look like? Well, you’ve got me! I’ll let you know as it’s revealed along this transforming journey.
I experienced uncomfortableness and abandonment during month 2 in India, as I began dying to myself each day. As my pastor put it, “Flesh killing, sin melting, self mutilating discipleship!” I think his words will be a common theme the duration of the race and continue the rest of my life.
I’ve been stripped of a few luxuries I’ve enjoyed the first three months. Our toilet is outside of our house. (Yes, I use the buddy system in the early AM hours.) Our shower consists of an ice cold water trough and a plastic bowl with a handle. (The wifi hotspot is about 2 miles from our house.) Wifi anxiety is a thing! Note: I’m okay without it and had been in debates with The Lord about fasting from it during month 4. He gave me an answer upon arrival: limited correspondence.
I intend to press on and pray on through the weird. I’ll find comfort and rest in the one who meets me where I am each day.
Psalm 21:2-3
You have given him his hearts desires,
And you have not withheld the request of his lips.
For you meet him with the blessings of good things;
You set a crown of fine gold on his head.
During the season of weirdness, I choose to look at all I’ve been given and give thanks and glory to God. My journal reads:
-Break my heart for what breaks yours.
-Complicate my life.
-Make me uncomfortable.
-Shape and mold me into the woman you have planned.
-Give me a yearning desire to pray harder and work harder.
-Allow me to pray circles around 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18.
-Soften my ears, heart, eyes, soul to hear, feel, see, etc. freely.
-Set me free and break the chains of my past.
-May I never forget your glory and you’re all I need.
-My life, hope, and heart is yours, as you are the only one who makes me whole.
Just as fire refines ore to extract precious metals, God refines us through difficult circumstances. During this time, God is stretching me to develop my character to glorify him.
Note: I am still $2,500 short of my final deadline. Any amount benefits the kingdom, as he is glorified each day. Would you consider partnering with me on this journey?
