My marbles are being replaced!
I was frustrated, tired, fed up with the Indian heat, and the hot box of a room I attempt to sleep in at night. After crying out to The Lord for 2 hours, I iMessaged my pastor and asked to release for a few minutes, which ended 45 minutes later. I voiced raw emotion of the struggles I had faced the previous 5 days. Below is a glimpse of the conversation, and the food for thought/ lessons I’m learning.
Summer: I feel like I came on the World Race with a jar of marbles and each day he’s plucking one out. The Summer I left knowing is having an identity crisis.
Ben: Amazing. Difficult now and total freedom & absolute joy on the back side of it. I believe it and can feel it for you.
Summer: I knew I would change, but brokenness is happening in month 2. It’s safe to say that I’m still pretty freaking UNCOMFORTABLE!
Ben: I was/am uncomfortable with the “year long mission trip” lingo. More like year long life destruction 🙂
Flesh killing, sin melting, self mutilating discipleship! In all the best ways of course!
Ben: The other day I was thinking about the phrase “the son of man has no place to lay his head.” As long as we do have that place there is something else to strip away.
You are experiencing what He did.
Summer: And doing it kicking and screaming at this point. I signed up for this!
Ben: The bigger problem may be that so few signed up for it, me included.
Summer: I know this is exactly where I’m meant to be, and the uncomfortableness means he’s working.
Read Philippians 2:2-5
I was born into a blessed American family, not by my own choosing, but because The Lord planned that for me long ago. I have been given amenities that most of the world will never experience. Only because it was freely given to me. I WAS FREELY CHOSEN TO RECEIVE THAT GOD GIVEN GIFT.
The rights I have been given are not mine, as I have been entrusted the rights to serve and better the kingdom. We should develop his attitude of humility as we serve. We should live like Jesus, willing to give up his rights in order to obey God and serve people.
Choosing joy is still a daily and moment by moment choice.
The heat has brought me to my wit’s end and is a daily struggle. Humbleness, humility, and perseverance are a few words that come to mind. If I do not leave this country completely broken, I’m not sure what will break me. On the flip side, I’m learning that those times I sit frustrated and weak, I cry out in desperation because He alone is my strength. I am constantly being stripped of basic comforts, learning to live like Jesus. As Ben put it earlier, ‘flesh killing, sin melting, self mutilating discipleship’ happens daily. There is great beauty in losing your marbles and being molded into royalty, as the daughter of the most high king. I look forward to the freedom and joy that consume me, as chains are broken and I’m restored by my relentless father.
So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it for the glory of God. 1 Corinthians 10:31
I can show the world a person who enjoys blessings, but who is totally obsessed with God.
AND/OR
I can show the world that my God is great and that knowing Him brings peace and joy, even when life is hard.
All the trials and strawberries (the little moments that spur you forward), are well worth eternity! To God be the glory in every minuscule moment each day!
Gandhi was my strawberry on Sunday!
