I have honestly been trying to write this blog for a while. Why has it been so difficult? Well because my mind, and heart, are still trying to process the amazing blessing that occurred in my life a couple of weeks ago.
The youth group I help with calls their Wednesday gathering, Wednesday Night Live. Basically it is youth group meets Late Night. We have weekly guest artist and praise bands, top 10 "fill in the blank", YouTube vid of the week, and a couch guest.
I was the couch guest a couple of weeks ago and I discussed the race. How my heart was placed there, where I would be going, what I will be doing, and more. Also an offering basket was passed around. To see the youth find any loose change and place it in the basket warmed my heart. I mean it when I say every penny counts.
Earlier in the night James walked up to me and told me there was new paperwork to fill out for a trip the students are taking. I didn’t think twice about it. So we walked to his house after youth. He was making small talk and I was just ready for sleep so I was not too responsive … or observant.
He opened the gate to his backyard and next thing I know the lights turn on and people are yelling “Surprise.” Honestly all I wanted to do was run because I was so scared, I had no idea what the heck was happening.
When I finally turned around everyone was telling me to take a seat. Many of the student leaders, a couple of adult volunteers, and some lovely friends were there. Things finally calmed down and my nerves weren’t so high James finally told me what was happening.
I am going to quote this to the best of my ability,
“Stina, we are all here because we love you and you need to hear it. People only share all their thoughts and feelings about a person when they pass away, well this is your Living Eulogy. We have all written letters, and there are letters from people who couldn’t make it. In these letters we are sharing how much you mean to us. You were made in God’s image and you deserve to know this. So for the next 30 or so minutes you have to stay silent and just soak in these words.”
I was already emotional from something a church member said earlier in the night, so I basically lost it.
Also I suck at taking compliments but I sat there trying to soak it all in.
They all went around the table reading these heartfelt letters.
Memories of adventures that occurred and inside jokes were shared.
Also words like,
Kind
Loving
Beautiful
Genuine
Caring
Were repeatedly shared.
Letters were read from people I never knew I made a difference on.
Words of encouragement, words of guidance, words of love were being expressed. Words that I have longed to hear my whole life were being read.
“You are fearfully and wonderfully made.”
“You are made in God’s image.”
“You are a light.”
“You are valuable.”
“Perfectly imperfect daughter of God.”
One thing I consider a big part of my relationship with the Lord is love. I strongly believe I am put on this earth to love others. Be there for people when they feel alone. Remind others how much love the Lord is continually pouring out for them.
“As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received.” (Ephesians 4:1)
This night I saw the Lord show me I was doing the right thing, and I couldn’t have asked for a better gift.
I think I have spent my whole life craving acceptance. Not just from anyone, but my family. I have always felt like a black sheep and like I was never good enough. I have put myself worth into what my family thinks.
But that night all my worries, all the battles of being enough, being worthy of love disappeared. Yes these people aren’t my family by blood, but they are my church family. My brothers and sisters in Christ and they accept me. Not only that, they speak words of truth into my life and lift me up.
That night was filled with many tears, but so much happiness. Since that night my life has gone from a dark place of uncertainty, to a bright and positive place.
Photo credit: James Barnett
Honestly I don’t think I can say thank you enough for everyone involve. Even though I am writing this, words can never explain how much that night meant.
I feel so blessed to have a God place these people in my life, to place this family in my life.
As you read this I beg you to tell the people in your life how much they mean to you. My life has been brightened due to this night. There are people in your life, even if they are smiling, are waiting to hear loving words. They are questioning themselves, be that light.
A quick update
For the month of March I had a goal of raising $1000. I am only $60 away from reaching it.
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