I Am Not the Most Important Person in the Room

Take a minute to read what goes on in my head:

It’s been over a week since I’ve written a blog, and that was the only one
I have written so far in the two weeks here in Albania. I tend to want to write
blogs when I can come up with something introspective, enlightening, unique, or
entertaining. The mundane details don’t do it for me. I am constantly thinking
of my audience and what will grab someone to read my blog. I have my parents
and grandmother who will read every word of every blog I post even if I simply
copied the Gettysburg address as the text. My friends, who probably read my
blogs periodically, and readers who find my blog on the World Race website and
decide to check it out if the title seems interesting enough (Two Guys Wearing
Speedos, anyone?). I’m sure there are others who read it, other World Racers,
staff, maybe people I work with. For this reason, I think hard about what I’m
going to write. I dont want to bore you or come off as repetitive with my
words. I want it to have meaning and people to want to hear what I have to say
and read what i write.

I want to feel important and I want people to care. I want to leave a
lasting impression and impact.

Flash forward to week one, to life on a college campus in Albania, to a day
filled with coffee dates with students, tea with students, and hot chocolate
with students. 99 percent of which don’t speak my language. I’m gonna go with
the majority group first and talk about what it looks like when I meet with a
student who doesn’t speak English. 

-I sit and listen to Zamir, one of our contacts, share the gospel with the
student, having no clue what is being said.

– When Zamir looks at me periodically and asks me a question or  says, “Do you have something to
say?”, I chime in with a response or a short version of my testimony if I
can squeeze it in. Zamir speaks very little English, so anything I say is very
simplistic and basic. Then I go back to watching Zamir talk. I feel helpless.

– I drink lots of coffee. I eat the cream first, stir if a few times, order
another coffee. Anything to keep me occupied. 

Jamie and I talking with a couple of students at Sky Cafe overlooking Korce. 

…And if the student does speak English

– I flock towards them

– I still listen to Zamir talk and wait for him to nod to me to say
something. This time, instead of saying it to Zamir and having him (attempt to)
translate, I say it to the student. Depending on the level of English, I am
able to cater what and how much I say. Then Zamir talks again.

 

This sounds pretty frustrating, right? You already know I love to feel
important, to feel like I am used and contributing, and that I am making a difference
in these students lives. I have so much I want to share and I always feel like
I can’t adequately do it. I hate reading pamphlets to students, I would rather
let the natural flow of the conversation occur and go from there to sharing the
gospel. All of these things have caused me to be resentful and harbor
frustration. I can do so much more!, I tell myself.

 

Zamir and Toni, two of our contacts with Campus Cruade, in front of the university. 

And then it hit me. This is not about me. This is not about doing things
the way I think they should be done. This is not about me feeling important, or
feeling adequate, or feeling used, or feeling good. This is not about me,
and what I can or can’t do. Instead of feeling useless and sorry for myself, I
start to take advantage of every opportunity with a student to sit there and
pray for Zamir while he speaks. It is the work of the Holy Spirit to draw
others closer to Him, not anything I or anyone else does. I share my part when
asked and pray it is recieved, even if it was just a small part. I become ok
with taking a back seat. God is working, and does not need me at front and
center. Often, the power of my presence is enough, the smile, the unseen
prayers.

Flash forward to today, at a  coffee
shop, simliar scenario; me, NIck, Toni (another CRU guy), a student. I’m
actually sitting there writing notes for this blog, when all of a sudden I just
felt a quiet whisper, “This kid needs to hear about your life.” I
looked up, Toni happened to turn to me right then and say, “what is your
story?” Boom, an opportunity. I went off on this kid, almost literally. I
told him about my life, where i came from, who I was, and what it took to get
me to that point.  It came out of
nowhere, and it was natural and perfectly timed because it had been
orchestrated by God. It wasn’t forced, and it wasn’t me trying desperately to
be heard. This kid seemed to take it all in, and even asked questions and
affirmed what I was sharing with him. It was awesome.

Let me reiterate… It’s not about me! Trying to do things on my own or my
way didn’t get me anywhere. I could justify it by saying, “I’m trying to
do this my way, but I’m trying to evangelize… doesn’t that justify
itself?” The answer is no. I learned how to be patient and wait for God’s
timing, and God’s methods. Its a lesson that I wish I had learned before now,
but it has given me an entirely new perspective on ministry.