I've been missing home lately. A LOT. I miss my sweet beautiful mom. I miss my strong and smart dad. I miss my joyful thoughtful little brother. I miss my witty and spunky sister. I miss my carefree, fun, brown brother. And I miss my crazy dog.
But I'm in Bulgaria.
And its my time.
This is perhaps the hardest thing for me to realize. That I will not be going home in a week like I feel. That this is real. Its my new life for the next 11 months. And I'm going to need to learn to put those homesick feelings on hold so that I can embrace the here and now.
Its been hard to find time to write. I really need to start making a habit of it to be more considerate of all those supporting me back in the States. So I apologize and wish I could share every little detail with you all, but time just won't allow it.
The other week we went door to door evangelizing. I absolutely HATE this approach. I think it is quite possibly the worst way to share ideas and beliefs, and to be perfectly honest, disrespectful. I just feel like there's a hidden agenda that drives the conversations and in the end all of the talking is just foot in the door pseudo interest to convey the message.
Just put yourself in their shoes – how would you like it if a total stranger came up to your door and told you that everything you believe is wrong and that they hold the secret of the only truth in all the universe. No matter how selfless the stranger's intent, I would still be offended and turned off completely to what they had to say.
Now, given, I am a Christ follower – I believe in Jesus and the hope He represents, but I am not so bold as to tell another person that what they believe is 100% wrong and that what I believe is 100% right. I am very humble in faith; I have my reasons to believe that what I believe is truth. But that does not mean I have any right to discredit another's beliefs. We could sit down together and talk about the logic, reason, and coherence that each of our world views says about reality, and through give and take discussion, understand each other's view and try to find common truth in them. But that is not the intent of door to door evangelism.
And I don't think Jesus was a door to door evangelist either. Just read the gospels – Jesus exhibits a quiet confidence when speaking about who He is; He only makes declarations a few times, and more commonly speaks in questions and mystery. And many of the times Jesus does proclaim Truth, He does so in enigmatic ways; through stories and parables.
The Gospels tell us there are times that Jesus proved His identity throught miracles. Irrefutable proof that He was who He said He was. But many times Jesus told the people who witnessed the miracles not to tell of them. A very strange way to evangelize indeed.
First generation Christians who witnessed these miracles had very good reason to believe; they were Witnesses to the Glory of God. Now I'm not saying that one must see to believe. I am saying that if one has not witnessed the supernatural proofs of a belief, they should be more humble in the confidence of their faith. That is, they should at least admit that at the end of the day, they might be wrong. And it is in this understanding that I am not comforatable in proclaiming my truth supreme to all others. Of course, this is always open to change. And it is why I am on the race…
I want to become a Witness. I want to have my faith validated in situations that can not be explained by any other way other than in Christ. It is this hope that I find strength in continueing my journey as well as stomaching the door to door evangelizing so common to the race.
So how does all this rambling relate to my experiences out here in Bulgaria? Last week, our team went door to door evangelizing in a small village on the outskirts of Vidin. We walked down a dirt road lined with homes that resembled the conglomeration of a junkyard rather than a house yard. Every house had a metal fence surrounding it, some with barbed wire. We came across an old man fixing something mechanical in his garage. We stopped and asked him if we could pray for him. He responded with a cynical laugh, but invited us into his house nonetheless.
Sitting on his back porch overlooking his small but very well tended garden, my teammates tried to share the gospel to this man. The man was very set in his ways; he was a post communistic athiest who believed more in the wonder of Nature than of a God. As we talked, the man tried to tell us about his ideas, his family and his life, but because of our mission, we always tried to steer the conversation back to Jesus. I became very irritated at this. Here he was, inviting total strangers into his house, in his home village, trying to have a conversation with his fellow humans and us trying to convert him from his beliefs.
Although I disagree with his conclusions in life, I have great respect for him and why he has come to those conclusions. The man had grown up in communism – being preached to everyday on how religion and God had been killed by modern science. It is sad how the pinnacle of human reason, science, can be used as a weapon against its creator. Simply put, this man was conditioned within a society of control – as many of us are in differing ways – to accept beliefs that never made room for the option of God. In a very controversial move, I am going to side with the likes of Rob Bell on this – that maybe, just maybe, God is more understandign than we could ever imagine and given a fair view of the Glory of God, this child has a place with Jesus.
This blog is getting rather long, and I apologize if I offended anyone with any of my views. If this is the case, I advise you not to continue following my blogs; I will not censor my views or beliefs and will keep you with me in my observations and journey to find the Heart of God.
God Bless,
Steve
