If you were to tell me that Haiti would be a struggle for my heart I honestly would have laughed at you. Seriously though, this past month was a tug-a-war, head butting clash of my hearts own selfishness against exactly what and where God wanted me. All it took to win that battle was one little beautiful miracle. Looking back, it was never little, it was bigger than I could ever imagine. Let me take you back and I hope this story touches you as it touched me!
My first week in Haiti was very challenging. I was not connecting with the country like I was with the Dominican. Frankly, Haiti was the only country on my route that I did not want to go to. It was not my forte, my first choice, but alas it was on the route and I found myself there. We worked with kids the first week for VBS and learned how to run it. I was not present at all that first week. I literally felt like a empty vessel being dragged along to do the duties we had been given. By the end of the week my heart had turned to stone, cold and unwelcoming to Haiti and the people so desperately in need of hope. I knew this was something I did not want, so I had to do something to change it.
I went to my squad for prayer. I first told the men of my squad where my heart was, which was very hard for me to do. No one on a mission trip wants to be the one who has no passion for where they are at. In a moment of unnatural vulnerability for me, I told them where I was. It was hard, but it gave them the opportunity to pray for me and join me where I was at, and they did. I also told my team, En Fuego, and they prayed as well that God would turn my heart of stone into a heart of flesh. These prayers would be answered more swiftly than I could ever imagine. God was about to unhinge my situation entirely.
The next week we started week two of VBS. After the prayers of my squad mates, I felt confident I would overcome my attitude. That is, until the kids began to pour out of the bus. They stormed into the pull barn we were in and immediately I shrunk. I sank deep within myself and began to be bitter again, not wanting to be in the place God had me. The second bus of kids was dropped off and I sunk deeper, almost to the point that I wanted to quit…
Then, from my seat in the back of the pull barn, I saw her. She strolled up with one of the village champions. All my squad mates were playing with kids, but honestly I thought they would flock around her. I walked up, timid and unsure about talking to her. When I reached her, the village champion said, “You will push her this week. It is your responsibility.” I immediately said ok and asked her name.
See Julne is paralyzed from the waste down. She is in a wheelchair and needed assistance to get around. My heart sank the first day I pushed her around. My heart was in a battle that was literally shaking my foundations. I fell in love with this little girl so quickly and loved to just invest into her. Each smile she joyfully gave me pierced my heart of stone and began to unveil my heart of flesh. I felt where she was, I felt her joy. It was such a beautiful time. God literally was using her to pull me from the abyss uncertainty and into the compassionate ministry He called me to.
Everything was so of God in those moments. It is honestly hard to describe except to say it was a miracle. She was sent by God to break down my walls, pierce my heart, and changed my attitude for Haiti. I believed it would take a miracle, a BIG miracle, to overcome the state I was in. Well I am here saying it came in the form of Julne, who broke my heart and taught me how to love the people of Haiti.
I hope this story hits home with some of you. I know we have all had times when we feel distant and unsure of where God has us. From what I have learned; be open, be honest. Let people around you know so they can be praying for you. Ask God to show you why you are where you are. Doing these things can drastically change your perspective and who knows, maybe God will send a BIG little miracle your way.
