Immediately the father of the child cried out and with tears said, “I believe; help my unbelief!” Mark 9.24
Maybe a missionary should have a better life verse.
Yet, here I am.
Seven months into the Race.
Praying this fathers prayer.
“I believe; help my unbelief.”
You see…this missionary is a Myers Briggs approved INFJ. Do you know what that means?
It means I “seek meaning in things”.
I want to understand what motivates people.
I’m a realist.
I share a personality type with only three percent of the US population.
And whether it’s a symptom or the cause,
I sometimes pray and don’t fully believe it will be done.
Or pray, asking God if there’s anything He can do.¹
I like to plant my seeds in window boxes not just scattering them on different soils.
There are storms in my life I doubt will ever be calmed.
I struggle with faith.
If you’ve spent a few chapters in the Gospels maybe you recognize the words, “your faith has made you well.”
So what does that mean for me?
What does it mean to ‘be well’ today?
Will my faith ever be great enough to make me well?
I’ve wrestled these – the knowing I believe, and taming doubt, asking for faith, and asking for prayer for faith, and still doubting but also still believing.
If you spend too much time thinking about it, you will give yourself a headache- and I know enough to know, that is not well.
I gave up wrestling this month.
A decision conceived in February, but matured this month into a breath prayer.
A surrender of faith, for the humility of truth.
“I believe; help my unbelief.”
An acknowledgement of my spiritual weakness-
an appeal for Christ to create in me a more firmly believing heart.
Every morning.
Before any other thought can crowd my mind,
“I believe; help my unbelief.”
A humble request, a confession of lacking-
A declaration- Jesus is savior, and I still don’t understand all of what that entails. Recognizing God as being so much bigger than where I am right now- where my faith is at right now. So much bigger, but also so aware and so invested in this place. Compassionate and willing to meet me here- all the while, beckoning me to come into the mountains.²
The Disciples questioned Christ privately about why they weren’t able to heal the boy. Their failure is responded to with encouragement to more prayer- implying that more time in prayer, closer fellowship with God, leads to growth in faith.
Sweet friends, as we continue to pray for faith, carrying on to seek the face of one whom we don’t fully comprehend…take heart remembering-
The father and his example of vulnerability and courage.
Christ’s compassionate making well in response to professed weakness.
another step in learning to embrace the journey…
1…“But if you can do anything, have compassion on us and help us.” Mark 9.22
2 C.S Lewis, The Great Divorce… read it!
