I have been acutely aware in the past months that I’m not going to change the world on the World Race. That’s just not what it’s about. The World Race is an honor, and it is with much reverence that I write this…
When I tell most people about the World Race they look at me with awe… they commend me for saying “yes” and then start asking me how I made the decision to make this grand sacrifice. People act as though what I’m doing is noble or holy.
But in all honesty…
I am taking the easy way out by going on the World Race. I’m basically shouting, “Hey friends! This life I live right now has too many distractions; I can’t hear from God… I need to get away.” Because let’s face it… Nashville has orphans, people infected with HIV and AIDS, women that have been rescued from prostitution; people that are hungry, widowed, and sick. But have I answered the call to serve here? No.
So…I’m doing what I do best, I’m leaving. I’m journeying into a new season to start over, a mulligan.
By leaving for the World Race I am admitting to all of you:: I am more flawed than you know. I am struggling to find my calling. I don’t have anything figured out. I am not mature enough to live out missions here in Nashville (my Judea). I am addicted to comfort. I have been a Christian for eighteen years and yet, I still struggle with concepts like:: grace, who God is, forgiveness, pride, materialism, relationships, purity, selfishness, the list could be a 500 word essay in itself.
I have no answers; I have nothing more than a desire to fall more in love with Christ and a longing to take the next loving step towards the cross.
I’m not going on the world race to change the world. I’m going on the world race to change my heart.
So to those of you who aren’t going on the World Race. I commend you! I want to learn from you! I want what you have! I want a relationship with Christ that is so relevant in my daily life that it doesn’t take me giving up my possessions to hear Him.
To those of you who are praying for me, thank you! Thank you for believing in me, thank you for investing in my journey. Thank you for walking alongside me, challenging me to grow. Thank you, from the bottom of my broken heart for believing with me that there is something more to this life than the comforts of this world.
