“God is not concerned with establishing His glory. God’s glory has been eternally and forever established, but when we turn away from Him, this earth doesn’t look quite as glorious as it use to. how do we fix this?”
We come back to God. He allows us. How you say?…
“My glory demands that justice must be executed. and I will execute that justice completely. so I need a perfect lamb. and there is nobody who is eternally perfect except me. and for my glory sake I will die so that for my glory sake I can show what love looks like, so that I can reconcile those who could never be reconciled through me to myself.”
this is who God is.
I was reminded this in the book: A Million Miles in a Thousand Years by Donald Miller. The past four months I have been struggling a ton with hearing God and feeling the Holy Spirit. My heart has been craving direction and I have struggled with seeing His direction. The other day when I was trying to pray, but also in a battle for consciences due to lack of sleep- the image of penguins at the zoo popped into my head. ya know- swimming and slipping and sliding in their little home behind the glass in a room that stinks like fish. Only in this image I was the one stuck behind the glass in the encaged environment. I was the entertainment while the penguins were on the outside looking at me. I woke up from my slumber-ish state and thought to myself “wow, I need to stop drinking so much yucky instant coffee” and went about my day wondering what the heck kind of a dream I just had.
Then today my teammate comes up to tell me she had a vision during her prayer time of me inside a hamster ball, rolling and rolling everywhere. My first words were “aww I love hamsters in their balls!” Then we got to talking and she said she felt God telling her I was trying and trying and trying to escape from the ball because I knew it was hindering what God could do in my life. But God was telling me to just stop and wait for Him to let me out. I told her about my crazy penguin dream and realized God was talking.
and when God talks I listen. I’m not good about always following at first though.
I don’t know exactly what God was trying to tell me through penguins and hamsters (although He knows my animal love language thats for sure!) but I do know that I have been so concerned about looking for what is next, that I’ve missed what the Lord has been trying to teach me now… to stop trying on my own. to stop seeking Him, but instead let Him seek me.
I have been making this race about me. about how I do or don’t feel God. about the spiritual gifts I do and don’t have and about how I am best and not best at being poured into. Lord, take ME out of the picture. instead use me as your vessel. I am all Yours to shape.
a true Christian isn’t defined by spreading the gospel in a 3rd world country. a true follower of Jesus is one who lives everyday being faithful in the small things. Lord, I’m sorry for not being faithful in the small things. not being faithful for Your voice to come. not being faithful with the gifts You have given me. I’m sorry for not stopping and waiting when You have asked. I know change can only come once I trust in You- trust that You alone are my provider. and until I stop making this about me I cannot be changed.
As I finish this blog in a room that reeks of mold, watching fly after fly die on our sticky paper, wishing the kitten i rescued would come back home and snuggle in my lap and listening to my teammate play “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” on her guitar… I think to myself what a wonderful world- what a wonderful world to be in, no matter where I am or who I am with or what I am doing- I know God loves me unconditionally and that is enough to put my heart at peace. Father, enough about me. I want to come home, back to YOU.
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don’t forget Dan needs to raise $1500 by October 31st! please pray and see if God guides your heart in helping him out so he won’t be sent home :]
