When I think of Africa, this is the moment my heart goes to. This was the day my heart was broken and ripped out of my chest. This is the moment I have wrestled with God over and over and over again. I can’t understand the depth of their need and pain…they have nothing. But yet, they have everything. When I think of this moment, my chest still gets tight and tears still stream out of my eyes.
It’s hard for me to even blog about Africa because there are no words to accurately describe the things that I have seen, heard, and felt.
“Need” that saturates the culture, floods their streets, invades the dumps, begs for moldy bread, and runs into your arms…
Here is a piece of my heart, I hope it touches yours.
My Squad packed up and traveled several hours through Malawi to the Mozambique border to begin our next month of ministry. Many of us were excited about Mozambique and anxiously awaited to see what the Lord had in store. However, after hours at the borders, we were stamped out of Malawi, denied entrance to Mozambique, and successfully stuck in the middle of “no man’s” land!
Long story short, the Lord made a way and we went back into Malawi and ended up staying at a small preschool where 41 racers took up every square inch of floor space with our sleeping bags and air pads trying to squeeze everyone in. One girl even slept in the cleaning closet. It was “fun.” Or…something like that. But we were all so thankful we had a place to stay!
That Sunday we visited homes in the morning – singing, sharing testimonies, encouraging, and praying with the beautiful people who lived in the community. Later that day, we had an outdoor church service at the preschool with roughly around 30 adults and over 100 kids. I sat on a bench in the back row with 2 kids on my lap and 3 more next to me. One little boy was about 2 years old and ran right up to me to be held. That one simple little act began to break my heart as I picked him up and held him tightly in my arms. Most 2 year old’s would not run up to a stranger to be picked up, but… he did. Why? Because he wanted to be loved. “When was the last time he had been held?” I silently wondered.
Maybe 15 minutes later I noticed several sores all over his head. They were infected, lumped, and later as he touched one it began to ooze. One on the top of his head was a literal hole in his skull… I looked around and saw all of these children with torn and patched clothes, ratty and mis-sized shoes, or no shoes at all. I saw infected sores on their bodies; bald, white, and infected patches all over their heads. They were dirty with bloated tummies and their bellybuttons sticking out inches from their stomachs from hunger and malnourishment. And I wondered what I could do. I just wanted to take them all inside, bathe them, clean their wounds, feed them, wipe their noses, nurse them back to health, and just hold them as I loved on each one. But I couldn’t.There was so much need, but what could I do in a day? People have moved to countries around the world and dedicated their whole entire lives to doing just that. But what am I supposed to do? How can I help? What can I devote the rest of my life to that would even make a dent of difference in all the need I’ve seen all over the world? I was overwhelmed, to say the least. I later found out that the sores and holes in that little boy’s head were from AIDS… I ran inside, slumped down on the floor of an empty room and lost it. I bawled my eyes out and felt my heart ripping apart as I asked God, “Why?!”
AIDS? AIDS?! There were dozens and dozens of kids out there with the same symptoms… How unjust that these children are suffering from the mistakes of their parents! Who knows if their parents are even still alive and now these beautiful children are dying too and there’s nothing I can do about it! Agh, my heart felt broken and enraged all at once! I was beside myself, not knowing how to handle the amount of emotions that were raging inside of me, wanting to do something but feeling completely helpless… I told God, “I can’t do this anymore! My heart hurts too much…” I stood inside the preschool watching through the window as my squad-mates danced and played with the children. I couldn’t even bring myself to go outside again. But then Christina came, put her arm around me, and reminded me that we can do something – we can love them; one child, one day at a time. Yes, they are suffering, but right now they’re laughing in joy as we dance with them and give them hugs.
It was then that I began to understood a deeper level of love and the reason why I’m still here today.
This beautiful excerpt from a book sums it up perfectly-
“Sometimes working in a Third World Country makes me feel like I am emptying the ocean with an eyedropper. And just when I have about half a cup full of water, it rains: more orphaned children from the north migrate to where I live, more abandoned and dead babies are found, more people are infected with HIV. It is enough to discourage even the most passionate and enthusiastic person. And yet the discouragement lasts only a moment and God tells me to keep going. That He loves me. That He loves these people. That He will never leave or forsake any of us, not one. That my work is important to him… Love is the reason I just keep filling up my little eyedropper, keep filling it up and emptying my ocean one drop at a time. I’m not here to eliminate poverty, to eradicate disease, to put a stop to people abandoning babies. I’m just here to love.”
~Katie Davis, Kisses From Katie
People in the world are starving; but more for love than for food.
