“If you only knew who I was gonna be after the storm, you wouldn’t have even bothered me.”
I don’t understand. I don’t understand why I can pray for a hurt shoulder and a painful gallbladder and see healing, but I pray for a cripple and my sister back home who is severely ill and I don’t see any physical manifestation of healing. I don’t understand why I pray and some are healed but others are not. I don’t understand why I read about blind seeing, mute singing, lame walking, and dead rising but I don’t always see that happening when we pray. Do I not have enough faith? Did I not say the right words? Is there something more that I don’t see? Does God just choose who to heal and who to not heal? Is it not for anyone, anytime? Did God not promise to protect us? I don’t understand. I don’t understand why babies are still being sacrificed, why children are being locked in ovens, and why elderly are crippled as they beg and peddle on street corners. I don’t get it. God’s will is for us to be healed. Jesus already died on the cross and rose from the dead. Jesus said that we would do greater things than even Him. So why don’t I see it? Why is my sister still sick?
I don’t have the answer. I don’t understand. I can’t tell you all the theology behind why some healings happen and others don’t. And it’s so easy for me to get caught up in that and to be angry and to continually ask God why and whine about not having answers. Even as I’m typing this, I don’t have it all together. I’ve been crying for days and my heart feels shredded and torn apart right now. I can’t answer all of these questions. But I can tell you this.
I will not give up. I will not quit. I may question and I may doubt, but I will not stop trusting God. I will not be defeated nor discouraged nor turned off the path God has set before me. I WILL worship Him because He IS worthy to be praised. I WILL trust him because He IS faithful. I WILL love Him because He loves us SO MUCH. I WILL continue to pray for the sick because He IS Healer. I may worry, but I will not fear because He IS protector and He IS here. I WILL proclaim His goodness to the Nations because He IS good and there is no one like Him. I will not stop. I will not quit. I will not slow down. I will pick up my cross and allow my faith to be stirred. I am determined for the trials to only fuel my fire for The Lord. For the attacks to only strengthen a righteous anger within me. I am a bigger threat to the enemy than he will ever be to me and my family because I’m on the Lord’s side and even more, He is on mine. I am victorious and I will kick some enemy butt. Why? Because greater is He that is in me than he who is in the world. Even when I don’t see it or feel it, I choose to believe it.
If the devil only knew who I was going to be, even in the middle of the storm, he would have never bothered me.
I will press on, because even when I am weak, the Lord is STRONG. AMEN.
“We now have this light shining in our hearts, but we ourselves are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure. This makes it clear that our great power is from God, not from ourselves. We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed. Through suffering, our bodies continue to share in the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may also be seen in our bodies…So we don’t look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever.”
2 Corinthians 4:7-10, 18 NLT
