Do you ever feel like you’re too much? Or maybe like you’re not enough? Maybe you feel like you are both too much and not enough.
For me, it’s the latter, to some people I am too much, and to others, I am not enough. But can I just say that I (and you) are in good company if this is true. First let me explain a little about what I mean by “too much” and “not enough.”
When I say, or rather hear people say I’m too much, I take that to mean that my thoughts, feelings, questions, desires, are too much…they are excessive, or over the top. When I talk, I talk too much. When I’m thinking or processing, it’s too much, too far, unnecessary. When I have feelings or really just share feelings it’s over the top. I have too many questions. I am intense which is just too much. When I think about being “too much” I immediately think about what’s the opposite? How can I not be “too much” for people? In this I end up thinking how I don’t want to be the person who always has questions, I don’t want to be perceived as dramatic or over the top or annoying, I don’t want to be the person who always has a problem or has something to say. This then leads to not talking much, keeping to myself, being more of an observer than a participant. All of which maybe lead to people wanting to stay away because it takes work to have a conversation, or they are unsure what they will get if I talk so they stay clear of conversations. Both being too much and trying not to be too much lead to few solid, real relationships with people which is ultimately what I want anyways. It’s what we all want if we’re honest with ourselves, because it’s how God created us…to be in relationship, to want relationships and community.
How about not being enough? The way this hits the most in my life is not being good enough, not good enough to hang out with, to spend time on or with, to love, to talk to, and the list goes on and on. My desires are not enough to take an interest in. I am not smart enough, wise enough, or whatever to have conversation with. I don’t “do” enough to earn people’s love or care, or am just not good enough for it. Rejection plays into this a lot. I think once we are rejected once, twice, more, it is easy to sit in the camp of not being enough. We don’t get the job we want or work hard for, we don’t’ get accepted into a program, we don’t get the guy/girl, we don’t get invited to something, we don’t get that time with dad because money is more important, etc. Whatever form that rejection has taken it can leave us feeling like “not enough.”
If we want to continue in this line of being “too much” or “not enough” because the reality is it’s something that goes through our minds, it’s a place our thoughts stop and rest, whether for a short brief time, or for a while, we do indeed at times in our lives think of ourselves as “too much” or “not enough.”
Since we do let’s just break it down a bit. Let’s take a look at the Bible. Like I said before, we are in good company.
Jesus could be said to have been “too much” when He flipped the tables in the temple, or when He desired for others to drop everything and literally walk away and follow Him.
Moses could be said to be “too much” when he requested that Aaron, in essence, be his voice.
Noah could be said to be “too much” when he suggested a flood was coming and built the ark.
David could be said to have been “not enough” because he was so small and so young when he faced Goliath.
Peter could be said to have been “not enough” when he cut a man’s ear off.
Paul could be said to have been “not enough” because he used to be Saul.
These are some of the more obvious and there are plenty more examples, but regardless, all these people were used by the Lord to do amazing things for His Kingdom. So, regardless of what people say or think, whether they think you are “too much” or “not enough” remember you are exactly who God created you to be.
You are the salt and the light. You are dearly loved. You are a child of the King. You are a coheir with Christ. You were made in His image. You are the perfect creation of the Father.
So go out and be “too much” or “not enough” or whatever other label people want to put on you, so long as you go out and glorify God and seek to further His Kingdom in doing so.
