Purpose. Such a small, but heavy word. I have been thinking a lot about this thing called purpose these past 4-5 days.
Before I begin though, and before anyone gets any sort of ideas, from the realness I’m about to open, I want to clarify with you that I am well aware (or just inform you) that God did not create anyone or anything without an amazing purpose.
Back to purpose and the ponderings of my mind these past few days. Let’s start with what purpose is. According to dictionary.com purpose is:
the reason for which something exists or is done
That definition fits perfectly into where my head has been. Now, thinking about purpose too much can definitely be a dangerous dark hole to go down, so make sure you walk through it with someone else, or with God, or know when the thinking about it is not pushing you forward, because that’s when it’s time to take a pause. Be honest with God and others, but stay healthy in your thinking.
Thinking about purpose can show in many forms of questions.
What is my purpose in _____ (said situation)? Why am I here (in this moment or activity)? Why am I on this Earth? What is my role in my current situation? What do I have to bring to this group of people? What strengths and passions do I really have to offer? And on and on.
These past few days a good majority of these questions have bombarded my thoughts as I watched Training Camp wrap up with squad mates placed into certain defined roles amongst our squad and teams. Things like the Safety person, the Unsung Hero Coordinator, the Worship leader, The Beauty for Ashes (women’s ministry) coordinator, the team leader, the treasurer, the Story Teller. (I’m sure I forgot something too). While I could go either way in terms of having a defined role or position, I found myself questioning what my role is if I don’t have one of these Adventures In Missions given roles. I don’t have an answer yet for this.
Now, where things got tricky is when I returned home and back to work Monday and got “in trouble”/yelled at by a co-worker because a policy had changed that I was not aware of and so I did something “wrong”. Just meaning I did something that was not the way they are doing things now, but it didn’t hurt anyone or really even mess anything up. In my nature as a sinner, I got defensive and moments later when this same person did what I had done which was “wrong” I questioned what was going on and why that was ok in that moment but not in the moment I did it. The point of this though is not where people went wrong, but that in that moment I found myself questioning why I am working towards leadership at work, why I work where I work, why I continue to strive for excellence in everything I do at work, why I want to continue to work in a place where I often feel I am being hunted out and someone is just waiting for me to screw up so I can hear about it.
My thinking then continued down this rabbit hole as I began to look back at my life and question why I stick around in certain situations, or why I am where I am today, or why I don’t do more or deeper things that revolve around my passions or strengths, or if my strengths can even really be considered strengths in comparison to those around me. I began to pray and cry out to God in search of some hope and fullness, because to be honest (and I think it’s totally an okay place to be as long as we don’t stay there), I was feeling pretty empty and rejected and hopeless and to an extent useless.
While I don’t have any brilliant answers, and am still very much unclear as to what my role on my squad and team are, and what my role at work is, and what my role in this life is…one thing, one Truth, I am choosing to stand on is that God is good, God knows what He is doing, God did not create me without purpose, and even further, God did not make a mistake in making me.
I may not be as good of a singer as half of my squad, I may not be able to play or come up with music on the guitar like many I know, but none of that negates my passion for worship and music. It doesn’t make me any less, or my purpose when I write lyrics any less.
I may not be as good a teacher as the many teachers on my squad. I may not even be very good at being a coach. That doesn’t negate my passion for coaching or sports or kids just because someone is “better” at it. It doesn’t take away from the purpose or role I have in kids’ lives because of the heart I have for them, which by the way, was given to me by God.
I may not be as good of a writer, but it doesn’t mean my words don’t have purpose or power.
I may not trust people as easily as anyone else in the world, but it doesn’t mean that my story and feelings and thoughts and questions are without purpose.
Some things I can tell you without having answers to these questions for myself, is that:
God created us in His image…we are not a mistake; we are not useless or without purpose.
One purpose God created us with is to glorify Him. One way of doing this according to Ecclesiastes 12:13 is to “…fear God and keep his commandments…”
Micah 6:8 tells us “…the Lord require(s) of you to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with [Him]”
I hope that this speaks to just one person, and I am praying for all those who it may speak to. These feelings, these thoughts, these questions about purpose are really tough, but God is clear that He does not make mistakes, that each one of us has a God-given purpose, that He loves us just the way He created us.
Father, I just pray right now for anyone reading this and it resonating with them. I pray Lord that you would give the peace that only you can give. Lord, allow us to see a glimpse of the purpose you created us for. Allow us to grow and develop our strengths so that we can glorify you and find passion and joy in doing so. Lord, let us not sit too long in thoughts about our purpose, especially the kind of thoughts that leave us feeling empty. Fill us with your Spirit, with your joy, with your peace, and let us continue to turn to you for our purpose. Let us continue to glorify you in everything we can and do and in every way that we act and interact. Thank you for not making us as a mistake, thank you for giving us a perfect purpose which you know and see in us. Amen.
