These last 10 days have been insane. Amazing, refreshing, emotional, full of growth, physically, emotionally, and spiritually draining, and much more. I had the chance to meet the 55 beautiful individuals that I will be spending the next year with around the globe. Let me tell you, in 10 days these people became my family. We praised Jesus, laughed, cried, problem solved, worked, and loved together. Community living is challenging but SO rewarding, and I’m ready for that with these brothers and sisters over the next year. Over the past 10 days I’ve taken bucket showers, hiked 3 miles with a 35lb pack in 50 min, eaten crickets for breakfast, used porta potties that were filled to the brim, slept in my tent and hammock every night in the rain, eaten many dishes family style with my hands, and most importantly, experienced the Lord in drastic new ways. Here are 5 things I’ve learned in 10 days:
- The Lord is good and He desires to bless us and love us.
This is something that I’ve known in the past but was renewed and given a new meaning to this week. Standing in a room with others who love the Lord and who are screaming at the top of their lungs singing to their savior with such passion and fervor makes me realize how good the Father has been to all of us. The way He has transformed lives completely, the way He fills each soul with complete joy and love is beyond me. Hearing the stories of these people, it is clear that we are all so broken and have a lot of crap in our lives, BUT our Jesus redeems that completely and brings so much joy out of it. When we are weak, He is strong. The Lord has shown me His love through encouragement of my new family, through the sessions I had the opportunity to listen to, through the Bible, and through miracles. I am broken but He is good and the only thing that will ever bring me complete fullness.
- Community living is amazingly beautiful and challenging all at the same time.
I learned from a wise woman at training camp to never say anything is “hard”. To instead replace that with the word “challenging”, gives a situation the capability to grow into something that is possible and worthwhile. Only being with this community for 10 days, we delved deeper than I ever have before. We dealt with conflict and learned that it is okay to give feedback without the fear of being pushed aside. It is okay to ask “is everyone being seen? Is everyone’s voice being heard? Is my voice being heard and do I feel seen?” If not, it is acceptable and encouraged to voice that in order to love deeper and understand fully. Feedback is necessary in community and the more we spend time building each other up in the positive feedback, the easier it is to have those tougher conversations when they come up. We ate food family style, eating with our dirty hands. We sat closely for hours on end with sweat that sat on our skin for days without showers, hugged tightly even though we all smelled so bad, and embraced the “natural beauty” look of wispy, frizzy hair, sweaty backs, and unshaven legs. We worshiped at the top of our lungs, laughed like we haven’t before, and loved deeply through shared stories of brokenness and pain. This is living. This is love. This is community, this is the church.
- Pain and brokenness does not discriminate.
We are missionaries. We are supposed to have perfect lives full of happiness and a small amount of pain right? We are supposed to put on smiling faces all the time because we’ve never experienced real brokenness? NO NO NO. Let me tell you, we are a group of broken, extremely messed up, HUMAN BEINGS who happen to love the Lord a lot. One night when it was just us women, we did an activity called “Stand up for your sisters”. It was an emotional activity of showing that we are not alone in our brokenness. We all filled out a questionnaire about various things that have happened in our life anonymously, and then collected them and passed them back out randomly so everyone had a different sheet. We then “stood up for our sister” if the question was marked on each sheet. That way, we were able to see how many other people dealt with these issues even if the person stepping forward wasn’t the specific person that marked it. Sexual/physical/emotional abuse, being diagnosed with an eating disorder, using drugs or alcohol as a way to escape pain, anxiety/depression, coming from a family that has experienced divorce, suicidal thoughts, feeling unloved, and much more were all a part of the questionnaire. Let me tell you, there was not ONE question where multiple people did not step forward. The purpose was to see that we are not alone. That there are always others fighting for us, saying “me too”, or simply loving us where we are. Satan uses the tactic of making us feel alone in something in order to remove us further from a loving God and community. You are never too far gone or too broken for the Lord to redeem you RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE. WE ARE NEVER ALONE.
- Pain can be a good thing; press into it.
Discomfort and pain can help us grow spiritually because of the way it forces us to rely on the Lord. When we come to a place of complete brokenness, we tend to draw near to God rather than ourselves. We can also choose to run from that pain but eventually it builds up so much that even then, we have nothing left but to surrender to Him. We are able to grow in this because of the abandonment it causes us.Pressing into pain can be a really scary thing as well as easy to run from in the face of oppression. I have found that I view pain as a bad thing sometimes but I am learning to see it as a way to grow now. Pain is not necessarily bad and in order to empty ourselves of our past habits, beliefs, and thoughts, sometimes it requires brokenness to change those. We let ourselves learn from that pain through the process of pressing into it. Throughout training camp, I was able to be vulnerable, press into pain, and from that, grow deeper with the Lord than I ever have.
- Crickets for breakfast, Bucket showers for days
Being in a place that has uncomfortable written all over it just screams growth. This is part of the reason I am so excited for the Race. I love being in uncomfortable, unpredictable, unfamiliar places and situations because of the way it allows me to see different parts of myself, but also different parts of the Lord. I have learned and grown SO MUCH over these past couple years because of situations I was in which were outside of my comfort zone. It is a good thing to step out of that zone. It is good to experience things that you don’t know. It is good to fail or be clueless. For it is in those moments when you learn the most about yourself, others, and God. I’ve learned to feel beautiful in my own skin, even when I don’t have a mirror or have taken a real shower in 10 days. I’ve learned to feel confident in myself when it comes to my skills and abilities in different scenarios. I’ve learned to trust the Lord deeper, because He does love me, because I am His daughter, and because He does provide for my every need.
I WANT TO INTRODUCE YOU TO MY SQUAD AND TEAM:
This is N SQUAD. This is my church. This is my family. We will be traveling from country to country together as well as debriefs. We are then split up into teams of 6-7 people to serve in specific cities with.
This is TEAM SISTERHOOD. These girls right here are my sisters (hence the name). They understand me, they make me feel seen/heard, they encourage me, and most importantly, they LOVE me deeply. I will be serving hand in hand with these women for the first couple months of the race. I cannot wait to do life in a close knit community with these 6. From left to right, we have Jesse, Blair Grace, Hannah, Paige, Clarissa, myself, and Betsy. These women portray so much grace, love, and truth in their lives that it pushes me towards the Lord constantly.
I cannot wait to experience the next year seeing what the Lord has in store. If it is anything like this last week and a half, I know it will be beyond life changing and life giving. My Father is so so good. You and I are so loved. You and I are pursued by the Creator of the Universe. You and I can have a personal relationship with the King. How cool is that?!
I also found out where I will be in India and what ministry I will be working at for the first month!! Message me for further detail if you’re interested in knowing J
I’m $490 away from my second deadline of $10,000 as well!! Which means I’m $7,451 away from being fully funded. Please be challenged and consider helping me reach that goal soon!!
- $150 Deposit – Due 2 weeks after your acceptance date
- $5,000 – Due 7/22/2016 (Fundraising Goal 1)
- $10,000 – Due 9/16/2016 (Fundraising Goal 2)
- $13,000 – Due 11/30/2016 (Fundraising Goal 3)
- $16,961 – Due 1/31/2017 (Fundraising Goal 4)
Love you all so much,
-Steph
