“… A Couple Months, or Like, Eleven?”
“What am I missing here? I thought we were on the same page…?” I was standing before Jesus, tears trickling down my cheeks. In a state of reverent desperation, I blurted this question out as a familiar song ushered me further into God’s presence.
“I lean not on my own understanding,
My life is in the hands of the Maker of Heaven.
I give it all to you God,
Trusting that you’ll make something beautiful out of me.”
…
“There’s nothing I hold onto,
There’s nothing I hold onto,
There’s nothing I hold onto,
There’s nothing I hold onto.”
Spiritually speaking, my fists were clenched. There was a lot I was holding onto. The devastating heartbreak of ending a relationship with a man I dearly loved, the shocking disappointment of failing the admissions test to my dream grad studies program (for the third time) and the monotonous frustration of battling a love-hate relationship with my corporate job, to name a few.
As I stood before Jesus, He simply looked at me and loved me. He saw past the brokenness, the loss, and the striving. It was as if he knew and understood the depths of my grieving and was OK with it. For the first time I found comfort knowing there was someone who wasn’t completely blindsided by the fact that my entire life had fallen apart within a matter of days.
For a while, I wondered if Jesus had forgotten to give me the missing piece that would have kept my world from crumbling. But in reality, I was following the wrong blueprint and Jesus allowed my house to collapse. Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which He could rebuild my life, with Christ as the cornerstone. Jesus reached out his hand and invited me to follow Him. All I knew is that I didn’t want to walk away grieved.
It was at this point that I first learned about World Race. After the service I prayed with a friend about where Jesus might be leading me for the next couple months and her response was “… a couple months, or like, eleven?” I was immediately taken by the invitation. This time last year I was hesitant to use up two weeks vacation to go on a mission trip. Today, I am prepared to leave my corporate job for a year and follow Jesus to 11 countries throughout Asia.
The last six months have exposed the power struggle I was in with God over my dreams. Once again the gospel led to a gut-wrenching surrender of all I thought could give me a life of peace and joy without God. In the same moment, the gospel led to an overwhelming joy of being pursued by relentless compassionate Love. The exchange is incomparable.
Below is a podcast by Tim Keller, pastor of Redeemer Presbyterian Church in New York City. If you find yourself in the midst of this exchange, it is definitely worth listening to, more than once.
“The Case of the Rich Young Ruler” http://subspla.sh/1aSWZ7O
