This blog is a follow up to Blessed are Those Who Mourn… It is an account of a time of solitude we had while in Unicoi State Park during Training Camp.
I’m sitting alone in the woods…trying my best to cry. Cry?! Yes. To mourn, to grieve. To go into those places where I have hidden pain from myself. I am begging the Lord to take me by the hand and lead me into the darkest places of my heart.
“Not yet.” is His gentle response.
“Lord, please,” I implore Him. “I need this. I need You to make this happen before I leave this place.”
“Not yet.” He whispers again.
“When?” I ask, with more than a hint of irritation.
“When you settle these things in your heart.”
“Huh?! What ‘things’?”
At this point my mind flashes back to a few nights previous. After a session of learning Biblical mourning, I approached one of our camp prayer counselors. As she was praying, she told me that she felt I was believing lies, lies that I had set up above the Lordship of Christ in my life. 
“When you settle these things in your heart.”
God tells me these lies are about Him. About who He is and how He feels about me. So I begin to seek Truth. I ask Him to replace the lies with the reality of His nature. Then I write, listing His characteristics in my journal. Truth- whether I believe it or not. One page. Two pages. Two and a half pages of Truth. Things such as, ‘You are a God of peace.’ ‘You delight in me.’ ‘You can protect my heart.’
Lastly, I proclaim these Truths in Jesus’ name. And by Jesus’ name I renounce the lies I have set above His Truth. I repent and ask forgiveness for these falsehoods that I have set as idols in my life.
“When you settle these things in your heart.” My Father, in His wisdom and mercy is telling me that I cannot go into those dark places before I know Him for who He is. I cannot venture into the wilderness that is my heart without completely trusting in His character- if so, I may never find my way out.
Thank You, Lord for showing me this in Your gentleness. Thank You for giving me the grace not to be ready. I know that You will not ignore my prayer for healing, but that in Your perfect timing, will escort me through the process of total restoration.
