Now I see
The walls I’ve built are falling and
Your waves of grace are washing over me
Is it possible to be chained and ruled by something but never realize it? As Christians, we are declared to have freedom, to be free from the desires and deceptions of this world that ruled us before we believed in Jesus. But though those chains are broken, we still live in the patterns of sin and lies until we realize and allow God to break the hold these things have over us.
During the debrief we had at the beginning of our month in Kenya, Caroline, our AIM field support staff, talked to us about five prisons that can hold us back from growing. One of them particularly spoke to me. Comparison. When Caroline first talked about the prison of comparison, I thought, yes, maybe, I did compare a little. Sometimes I looked at the rest of the squad and felt a little jealous at how easily everyone joked and bonded together.
But it wasn’t until later that I realized how much I compared! My team was having debrief with the squad leaders. They asked each of us what our goals for growth were for the month. I replied that although I had been told I loved well, I didn’t really think so and I wanted to learn to love better from everyone else. It was when Bri asked me which one of the prisons I thought ensnared me the most, that I realized I was comparing again.
Growing up in church, I had learned at a young age that we don’t need to compare. In 1 Corinthians 12:17-18, it says, “if the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be? But in fact, God has placed the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be.” Also in 12:21-22: “The eye cannot say to the hand, ‘I don’t need you!’ And the head cannot say to the feet, ‘I don’t need you!’ On the contrary, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, and the parts we think are less honourable are treated with special honour.”
I understood well the concept that we shouldn’t compare. In fact, I would feel angry if others are unfairly judged based on their race, ethnicity, income, status, or popularity. What right did we have to decide who is worthy and who is not, based on something that the person had no control over and that we don’t know the full reason for? Even in schools we learn about racism, sexism, and stereotyping, and why we shouldn’t do such things. But still I found myself craving the reassurance, approval, and acceptance of others.
I realized that though I didn’t compare in the obvious issues, I still compared in other ways. I wasn’t as loving as other people. I didn’t have as much compassion. I didn’t have as much humour. I didn’t have as much understanding. I didn’t have as much spiritual knowledge. I didn’t have as much cultural knowledge.
As soon as they realized that I was dealing with the prison of comparison, my team surrounded me and spoke truth over me. They told me that it was a lie of Satan that I was not a loving person, because they have seen and been with me for the last month and they know that I have love to give. But even more, they encouraged me not to compare, but to set Christ as my standard, because in Him we can always continue to learn to be more loving, because He is perfect love.
But, I believe, the thing that finally set me free was what happened later. In the quietness of our own room, we were discussing our debrief again and I mentioned once again how I did not receive my teammates’ feedback. Taryn said something that really convicted me; “Steph, we can tell you however many times you need that we love you, but it’s not going to work unless you receive it.” It was then that I realized. I kept craving others to tell me that I was lovable and worthy; but even if they told me, I would run dry and want them to tell me again and again. It was good, and it helped me, but only partially. It was only when I truly realized and believed that GOD said I was lovable and worthy, believed what it said in the Bible within myself without other people having to keep affirming it for me, that I was truly able to be set free from needing the acceptance and approval of others.
It’s something I’m still working on, for sure. I still get discouraged sometimes when I think that I’m not good enough or wish I were a certain way. But the important thing is that now I KNOW that this prison cannot hold me. Whenever that lie gets a hold of me, I can turn to the truth that I don’t need to compare myself or worry about the opinion of others. I only need to be accountable to God…and He has created me and placed me right where I am. He designed me and has directed the course of my life for a purpose. That doesn’t mean that I can’t change for the better, because He calls us to allow Him to sanctify us and make us more like Christ. And my teammates’ encouragement or constructive feedback helps me greatly to identify which areas I need to work on or where I am doing a good job. But the important thing is, I am accepted…and I don’t need to be like others, because God has created us each for a function and our differences, just like the parts of a body, are what make us work together as a whole. I just need to set my mind on what God created me to be.
So yes, I was bound by the invisible chains of comparison. And I couldn’t see it for myself until it was identified for me. But the even better news is, that Christ has the power to break those chains. And, He did.
Romans 6:17-18 “But thanks be to God that, though you used to be slaves to sin, you have come to obey from your heart the pattern of teaching that has now claimed your allegiance. You have been set free from sin and have become slaves to righteousness.”
