It’s
beginning to hit me. It hasn’t fully
hit me yet. I don’t think it will fully
hit me until January when I am actually living in another country.
I
have been reading my teammates blogs and slowly this is all becoming more and
more real. I think it is all starting to hit us because training camp is only 2
weeks away. We are forced to think about this trip and to prepare for what is
about to come. As I wa
s reading some blogs about fear and anxiety from my
teammates, I began to wonder…am I the only one who isn’t overly worried or
scared? …should I be scared…? Maybe it just hasn’t fully hit me yet, I dunno.
But reading these blogs and looking at my calendar realizing I am leaving in 2
weeks got my mind to start racing. I think my teammates worries and anxiety is
starting to become contagious…
Bottom
line: I
have been forced to think about what is about to take place in my life. I have
been called.
Through my obedience, I am expected
to make sacrifices.
But
I don’t think I will realize just how hard it may be at times…until I am
physically out there…like when I am sleeping in my tent all alone in the middle
of a foreign country and I am not able to text my best friends before bed. I
will not have the luxury of texting any
of my friends at any time of the day because I will no longer have a cell
phone! Or being able to use a microwave, because I honestly depend on my
microwave for just about every single unhealthy meal that we as college
students live off of. Or talking to my mom, brother, dad and stepmom on a weekly basis over the phone. I will no
longer be able to hear their voices …for almost an entire year! Except for the
occasional phone calls back home. Or how about the ESL (English as a Second
Language) students I tutor at the high school. Or the kids I mentor and watch
over at my church. How much I will miss seeing them every day! Or how about
going to church on Sunday mornings at 10:30am every week. Or being part of the
leadership team at the BCM (Baptist Collegiate Ministries) on campus at the University of Hawai’i and being in charge of Coffee
House. Or how about a really heart wrenching one… missing my one and only
brother’s wedding day.
And
then there are the more petty things that I personally take for granted that I
will truly [selfishly] miss: bath and body works lotion that I use on a daily
basis, candles, Clinique happy heart perfume, chocolate mocha beans that my dad
sends to me from Germany in Disney World, wearing my local slippers that are so
cheap and comfy, homemade guacamole, my garden, jeans and hoodies, living the
college life, swimming laps on a daily basis at the Olympic pool, icecream,
lipgloss, etc. All of these sorts of things we take for granted every single
day. And although I will miss them, I am very excited to simplify my life and
live without them…for the first time
ever! To fill all of these gaps with God. How much more room I will have for
Him when I remove all of these items! Oh, the joy!!!
Last
night I was writing in my journal and reading my bible. And as I thought about
all of these things, so many different emotions came over me -from happy to sad
to anxious to nervous to joy, etc. I was flipping through my bible and there
stood out Joshua 1:9. It was a verse I have heard over and over, but it really
spoke to me and comforted me last night.
“Have I not commanded you?
Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the
Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” – Joshua 1:9
As
I was thinking about all of the sacrifices and things I will have to give up, I
started to already get homesick..in my own home! But when I read this verse, it
hit me that I should only be
satisfied IN HIM. Living here in America, I have perpetually allowed other
things to satisfy and temporarily fulfill me…none of which have lasted. I guess
that is why I am eager to give everything up..even though I know it will not be
easy. But as Christians, we are called to fully depend on and trust in God.
This verse not only comforted me knowing that even though I will have nothing, I
will still have God. But it also woke me up and made me realize that I should
already be in this mind frame. I shouldn’t wait until I’m living out of the country
with only a backpack of items for an entire year, but I should have that mind
set starting now..even with all of the things I possess.
After
pondering on these thoughts and thinking more optimistically, I decided to
think about all the things I am looking forward to in the upcoming year!
I
have always wanted to go to Africa and to work in orphanages and hold babies
and children who are malnourished and sick and dying and suffering from AIDS;
to be able to hug them and sing to them and tell them about Jesus and tell them
that they are loved and show them
love. I cannot wait for this day to come. I will be in Africa for 3 months and
I will be celebrating my birthday in this land as well =) I also hope to go bungee
jumping in Africa. I’m not so sure I am looking forward to this or if I am more
frightened by this b/c I saw the video from previous world racers and it was a
freaking LONG jump. I get butterflies just thinking about it. I live for
adventure and I love doing extreme things. I’ve gone skydiving but for some
reason bungee jumping absolutely freaks me out.
I
am very much an outdoorsy girl so I cannot wait to pitch a tent and live in it!
And then to wake up alone, hot and sweaty from the sun beating down on my tent
and praying and asking God what He wants of me that day and asking Him to
reveal Himself to me…not knowing what that day will bring forth..or any other
day for that matter =)
I
cannot wait to travel to 4 different continents and to learn new languages and
to try new food! I can’t wait to go to Haiti and to physically witness a
natural disaster area and to see the effects it has on the people, the
community and the country as a whole..and to be able to physically help out.
I
expect to improve my public speaking and my leadership skills. I am excited to
worship God in new ways. To work with foreign pastors and to see their passion
and their vision for their own community and to personally help them build
churches.
To
experience God in a whole new way, free of the endless distractions that
bombard me every second of every day living in America. To simplify my life. To
seek God more than ever before in my entire life. To constantly live in the
unknown. To depend on God for everything in every single aspect of my life. To
strengthen and deepen my relationship with Him and to continue falling in love
with Him.
