I didn’t see it either until I went to a new church in 8th grade with a friend, everyone there loved me, they knew me and what I did but accepted me for it, they loved me for who I was, not who I had to pretend to be. I realized what the industry was doing to me, and how it was breaking me as a person, and I had some serious suffering and needed out, it wasn’t a good industry to be a part of, even kids in school where making up false lies about me.
Saturday I fell back into the darkness and sin of my past, all I wanted to do was come home and lose weight not eat and sit over a toilet as I puke. This isn’t easy to write, but its true and it hurt, I went to the bathroom when we got home and cried, but I came out declaring the beautiful woman of God I was and how I was perfect in His sight. For a few hours I was living in my past, but yet again God gave me strength and he pulled me through I realized I needed His help and that the enemy couldn’t have an attack on me. I have been set free from that dark life I used to live, and now I have a story that can help other girls, a powerful story that should be told.
Now im not saying in any way that my life was easy after I realized how much I truly did need Christ and that leaving my past was easy at all, for years I still tried seeking acceptance from others and would compare myself, I had some troubles still with weight, and at times would worry people because I wouldn’t be eating enough. But God got me through all my struggles I realized in Him I was perfect, I was His creation and he doesn’t make mistakes. 
For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
How precious to me are your thoughts,God!
How vast is the sum of them!
Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand-
when I awake, I am still with you.
Psalm 139:13-18
God took away all of my pain and ugliness on the inside and showed my true beauty to me, I was filled with joy, hope, a purpose, and unconditional love that could be poured out onto others, I haven’t always been this way, but I am this way now because the beautiful works the lord had accomplished in me.
I have a victory story, and I wish this girl could of seen that there is so much more to life then making others happy and being a fake you. She is beautiful, and no one should have to tell her she isn’t. she is a creation from God and he didn’t make a mistake when he made her. He can fill any emptiness or hurt in her life. He can do that for everyone, you don’t need a story like I did.
I love reaching out to youth girls and if there is one thing God is doing in my heart is breaking it for them, I want my generation and the generations to come to see their true self-worth and beauty and see they can be what ever they want not what society wants of them to be they’re beautiful and adored and God made them perfect and loves them so deeply, He doesn’t want them to try and be someone He didn’t create. My heart cries our for these girls..
GIRLS YOUR ALL INDIVIDUALLY BEAUTIFUL NO MATTER WHAT ANYONE MAY SAY!!! KNOW THAT I THINK YOUR PERFECT AND SO DOES GOD AND HE LOVES YOU SO MUCH!!!
I may be considered a plus size model now (if I still modeled) because I’m larger than a size three but I am a beloved daughter of Christ and I am beautiful!
