This past weekend I said goodbye to the 53 most amazing people I know. There were lots of tears, laughs, and hugs. This season has been the greatest season of my life and as I’m sitting in yet another airport, I’m trying to find words to God’s goodness and find myself coming short. Right now, all I know is that somewhere along this journey, God has changed me because of these people he called me to lead. Because I truly want to attempt to share my heart, here’s a section of my journal I wrote the other night.
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Where do I even begin to process these last five months? Where do I start putting into words all that’s happened, all that God’s done in this squad, and in me? How do I say how thankful I am, Father? All I can muster up is, “thank you.” Wrap yourself in those words, Holy Spirit. Because I’m grateful that you called me to these people, and that you entrusted them to me. Thank you for giving me the words to speak and prayers to pray I needed in every clueless moment. Thank you for how you’ve used each of them to so expand my heart and my capacity to love. I never knew I could love a group of people like this. I never knew I could love you like this. I’ve seen love in their eyes and your Spirit on their tongues.
M squad family!
Thank you for the freedom you’ve brought. When even to me, some chains seemed too strong to cut off, you showed up with a mighty sword. You brought 51 little orphan boys and girls together and lavished your love until your sons and daughters rose up. You breathed the breath of your Spirit into dead bones and poured out living water on dried up, fed up hearts. I’ve watched in awe.
And somehow I got to be a part of your Kingdom coming to M Squad. I didn’t do anything to deserve that honor. I’m overwhelmed with humility and gratefulness to have been a part of this at all. You chose me and gave me all I needed in this season. You’ve been constant and intimate. Closer than I’ve ever known, even in the lonely moments and in the hardest moments I’ve ever had.
All I desire is for this squad, every single one of them, to go so much deeper in your love, Father. That your Spirit would spill out and drench them completely. In these next six months of their Race, release the fullness of your glory; your manifest presence. Let them be fully alive to walk in the fullness of your Kingdom and authority. The fullness and inheritance of their identities as you beloved children. Take them so much further than Joel, Vanessa, or I ever could.
Thank you for using me and absolutely surpassing all that I could ask or think or imagine.
Vanessa and Joel: the greatest co-squad leaders I could've ever asked for.
Joel, Vanessa, and I with Riah, Will, Marielle, and Scott: M Squad's raised up squad leaders. They are amazing!
“I am thankful for the way God is the same yesterday, today, and forever — yet always seems to get better.” Carrie Hokanson
