Things I Think I’m Entitled To:
1.
Clean drinking water
2.
3 meals a day/proper nutrition
3.
Love
4.
Family
5.
8 hours of sleep in a comfortable bed
6.
Somewhere to call home
7.
Clean clothes and shoes
8.
Shower/clean bathroom with toilet paper
9.
Workout time
Alone
time
Medical
care
Education
Laughter
Freedom
and all that entails
Personal
space
This list is obviously not exhaustive. Coming on the World
Race, I knew I would have to set many of these things aside. But I was living
on a razor’s edge, and when God asked me to give up one last thing: my right to
bottled water, I broke, literally.
Brittany, one of our squad leaders, told me that it’s
probably not about the water. And boy was she right. It isn’t about the water. It’s
about all of the things that I feel entitled to that I am desperately clinging
to.
Yes, I think everyone deserves everything on my list and so
much more, but most people don’t have these things. And who am I to think I
deserve more than others?
Giving up bottled water felt like pulling teeth. I was
miserable. Casey pulled me aside and told me that I was keeping myself in
suffering. That God was calling me out of it and into a place of joy.
She was right too.
I’ve always thought that being a good Christian meant that
you had to give away everything that you ever wanted, everything that made you
happy, and move to Africa, live in the dirt, and be miserable. In the midst of
all of this, I was convinced that my impression was true.
I’ve been fighting, literally fighting to feel God’s love
for me. But it always seems out of grasp. After Casey told me I was holding
myself in this wretched place, I begged God to bring me out of this misery. I
begged God to show me His love. I begged Him to bring me into a place of
everlasting joy. I would give anything to stop doubting my faith, to feel his
passionate love, and to be out of this muck.
And God said, “Anything, Stacy? Just how much are you really
willing to give? Your family? Your car? Your bank account? Name your price.”
Uh-oh. Not those things Lord. I came on the World Race. I
devoted a year of my life to serve you. Why isn’t that enough? You aren’t
calling everyone else to give up every last thing. Why are you only asking ME
to give away everything?
And God said, “Because these things are blocking you from
knowing me. They are barriers to your freedom. Besides, I DO call everyone to
give up everything and follow me, but very few choose to follow.”
I just finished a book called Crazy Love by Francis Chan. In it, he discusses the difference
between someone who is lukewarm in following God and someone who is radical.
God is showing me that I was living a lukewarm life. Jesus claims He will spit
those people from His mouth. But God is calling me to live a life that’s
radical. To live a life that the world thinks is crazy. Because His commands
are crazy. And unless we follow, and unless we live this crazy Christian life,
He will spit us out. He isn’t just calling me to this life. He is calling
everyone.
So yes. This is what the Lord is teaching me. He is teaching
me what it looks like to give him EVERYTHING. Because the truth is everything
belongs to Him anyway. He isn’t being selfish in demanding I give it all to
Him. He is being gentle by allowing me to give it over to Him when I am ready. Because
honestly, He could wipe out everything I hold dear in the blink of an eye.
Instead, He simply asks me to be obedient. To view things as His and not mine.
And to give my all to Him, every moment of every day.
