It is finally time for me to write this finishing blog for my World Race blog and begin the journey on with CGA blog. Stacy, our squad mentor, recommended us to write a finishing blog to sum up the race and I have been putting it off because I just did not know what to say. Well I finally know how it should go.
Since being home the first question people have asked me is “how was it?” Man, talk about a loaded question! My answer for them is ‘It was incredible and hard.’ Because this is what the race was for me, absolutely incredible and extremely hard. Since being home and starting the transition of what home is and how we function here, plus the processing of this past year I have found myself just looking back and the Lord and simply saying ‘Wow!’
This past year has been one of the best years of my life not just because of the race and what I have been able to experience but because I am now truly living the life that the Lord has called me to. I understand know what it means to be satisfied in the Father and His love. I have been learning how important it is to have a healthy strong community around you and having people around you that truly want to see you follow the Lord and hold you to that. I have learned what it means for the Lord to be my one and true desire of my heart and how I should never let anyone come in between us. I have walked back onto American soil as a completely different person and it is incredible and hard.
This season started out as a broken and in some ways hopeless person, who had no clue what to expect or what she was even going to do with her life. I had no clue who I was or what the Lord even wanted with me. At launch, Stacy came to me one night and told me how the Lord had given her a vision of me and I was in a building that was crumbling down all around me. I was in the corner in a ball covering myself and only looking up to see what was happening and then covering myself again. Then the Lord started to reach down to me and I would look up and then go back to hiding because I was fearful. Finally I get the courage and I grab a hold of His hand and He lifts me up.
I remember when she first told me this thinking okay what does that mean. I had no clue how broken or alone I truly was. And I was in for an awaken of a life…Month one started and all of a sudden I figured out that I was in a crumbling building and I had to take cover and just wanted to stay in my ball. I did not want to come out and be vulnerable with my team or squad. I did not want them to know the true me or what have I done or how broken I really was. Lucky for me I had a team that would not let me stay alone in the brokenness. They pushed me and loved me to where I realized I needed to reach up, that I did not have to stay in the brokenness. I did not need to self-destruct because there was more for me. And this is where it all started when I finally let go of everything and truly allowed the Lord to pick me up and just wrap His arms around me and comfort me. And this was just month one!
This year has been a year of facing fears; spiritual, emotional, relational, and physical. the Lord was teaching me the strength and courage He has blessed me with and how to truly be a fearless woman of the Lord. He gave me multiple opportunities to face fear upon fear and blessed me with people to be right beside me cheering and pushing me into them. He taught me what forgiveness really is and how I needed to forgive myself before i could forgive those who have hurt me. He helped me understand what grace is and how extremely important it is to walk in His grace and how I need to be gracious to those around me. Grace Abounds became a very common saying out of my mouth.
This year has helped me realize how long the Lord has been pursuing me continuously and I have just ignored him because I wanted a tangible love, someone who was right in front of me. But I learned that the only ‘person’ that can love me the way I need, deserve, or desire is the Lord because no one on this earth could ever do that. In His pursuit for me, He has shown me how a man should pursue me and how I should be treated and that I should not set myself up to fail. He has shown me how my husband should treat and respect me and what that will look like.
I have also learned how important it is to be completely and totally vulnerable and how important it is to bring everything to the light. How is anyone going to be able to relate to you, if you keep it all to yourself? How can anyone help you through the times you need it the most, if you never bring it to the light? There is so much power in bringing the hard and scary things from the dark into the light because not only are you being honest with yourself but you are allowing the Lord to use those around to help you through it and hold you accountable. Also you could be the person that encourages someone us that they are not the only one who is going through this. Vulnerability takes strength and courage! It is not a weakness, it is being the light and showing that you are human and you are broken in your flesh. It allows the Lord to show you what He can do to darkness.
Another thing that I never thought I would say is how much I love feedback and how right now I am missing it so much. I remember at launch for our team meeting with our leaders I liked them straight in the face and told them I hated feedback and wanted nothing to do with it. Of course they encouraged and challenged me not to say that. Well that meant I would be super sarcastic when it cam not feedback time like saying, ‘Yay! feedback. I love feedback.’ *insert super sarcastic voice and rolling of eyes* But holy moly the Lord has something for me with this feedback thing. I have learned how important feedback really is and how it is not out of a place of someone not liking who I am or what they would like to change about me or how they hate or are annoyed by me BUT it is from a place of love. I have learned that when someone gives me constructive feedback, they are wanting the best life for me and they are telling me the hard because they love me so much that they do not want to see me living in something that could hold me back and bring me down. I found myself desiring constructive feedback and just wanting more and more because I want to the best kind of me for the Lord and I wanted to know the areas that I needed to grow more in.
This past year had been incredible and hard. But I would not have it any different. I would not have changed anything about this past year because we learned how much the Lord loves us, what it means to preserver, what it looks like to suffer for the Lord, and so much more. I have come back a completely new being, who is of and in the Lord. And this was just the beginning of what He is going to do in and with me. I cannot Thank my supporters enough for what you have done for me and what your support has allowed me to do but most importantly allowed the Lord to do in me.
So here’s to the beginning of a new season in this incredible life the Lord has set before me…
You can continue to see how the Lord is using me and changing me on my new blog site http://staciewilson.adventurescga.org
