I don’t know how to say it other than to just say it.
I was a skeptic. Doubtful.
I mean I have heard people talk about witnessing healings. I have watched documentaries like “Father of Lights” and “Finger of God.” I read Heidi Bakers book and I believe every word she says. I have witnessed spiritual healing. In my own life I can’t deny the healing that has taken place in my heart. But that’s not all there is when the bible talks about healing. I mean what about “take up your mat and walk.” Or blind receiving their sight? Spiritual healing is the most important. If my body is well but my spirit is broken…I may as well just be broken all over. But it’s not all there is to our existence. I believe our Father is in the business of physical healing as well.
But I have prayed for a lot of people all over the world. And well….
Nothing happened.
At least not in the physical. Not that I could see with my eyes. I believe that even when I can’t see it God is healing. But one of my greatest desires coming on the race was to see God move in this way. I wanted to see signs and wonders and supernatural healing. Not so that I would have a cool story to tell. Not so that I can rest in my faith. Not so that I get glory.
I wanted to see it, because I want to know God in every way possible. I want to probe every corner, every promise, every story i read in scripture. I want to know my Father. And I am on a lifelong journey to discover who He is. And even then, a lifetime isn’t enough. (Good thing there’s heaven and eternity.)
Because you see I believe God can heal. He is God. He can dissolve the entirety of creation in a nanosecond if He wants to. But as I continued to pray and pray and not see anything, my mindset shifted.
I was praying with this thought lingering:
“I believe God can. I just don’t believe He will.”
But then, one night in Mozambique, I saw a leg grow.
Yes. You read that correctly. I saw a leg grow. And not just any leg. It was the leg of our host, Jaco.
Jaco shared his testimony with us. Part of which, includes the story of a horse shattering his leg and other back injuries. All of those combined injuries have left him with a leg that is 2.5 cm shorter than the other. After he finished speaking, our two teams circled around him and began to pray.
I was standing with my hands placed on his lower leg. My teammate Stephanie prayed, “in Jesus’s name, I command this leg to heal, tendons and ligaments come in to proper alignment.” And then BAM. In a flash, his leg grew. I saw it and I felt it.
Instantly, I tried to rationalize it. I thought maybe he just adjusted the way he was sitting. Maybe he shifted. But I couldn’t ignore the tears running down my face or the fact that I was laughing. Complete and utter shock. I also knew what I had seen with my eyes. Not a single muscle, bone, anything, anywhere else on his body moved. There was no way to rationalize it or try to understand because it was beyond my limited understanding. It was supernatural.
And not to be selfish, but God did that for me. I am convinced. I mean I know He did it for Jaco. Obviously. But it also did something for me. Something that nothing else could do. God knows the deep desire of my heart to know Him more. He knows what I need, what I want, what I dream of.
And I believe that night, gathered around Jaco, God answered our collective prayer. But He also answered my deep and hidden secret prayer to show me, with my eyes, that He still heals, He still performs signs and wonders. He is the God we read about. His promises are true.
And honestly I didn’t want to write this blog. It was a sacred moment. A moment I will treasure for the rest of my existence. And sometimes trying to box it in with words seems to devalue the actual experience. Mozambique was a month of the sacred. My eyes saw things I will be processing for years to come.
But I know I need to share this story. Because you, my loved ones, have helped me be here. I wouldn’t be here without you. And I want you all to know.
But also because I know I’m not alone.
I’m not the only skeptic. The only doubter. And if I am not willing to share these experiences with the people I love, in any way I can, then I don’t deserve them.
So please forgive me when my words fail to communicate all that I wish I could.
But trust me, as someone you know, God is not sleeping. His words are true. Those crazy stories we read in scripture…they’re still happening.
