Surrender.
It is constantly and consistently a word I am inspired by, a word I strive to live by. It is a word I have to allow to penetrate my heart, my mind, my soul, every. single. day. Maybe one day I will just go ahead and get the tattoo of it I keep drawing on my arm (Sorry mom). With the dawn of each new day I have to silence all of the wants and desires that rush at me. These ideas that rush at me and tell me that I NEED x, y, or z for this to be a good day, for my life to amount to something, to be a success. These thoughts that perpetuate my struggle with control and wanting to plan things, my desire to know every detail and always see the end. But this, dear friends, is not faith. This is not the life Jesus Christ is calling me to. I love this quote by my favorite (C.S. Lewis)
“The real problem of the Christian life comes where people do not usually look for it. It comes the very moment you wake up each morning. All your wishes and hopes for the day rush at you like wild animals. And the first job each morning consists simply in shoving them all back, in listening to that other voice, taking that other point of view, letting that other larger, stronger, quieter life come flowing in. And so on, all day. Standing back from all your natural fussings and frettings; coming in out of the wind.”
He is so right. This is the test of my faith. This is the dividing line for me. Am I going to do what I want to do, what makes me comfortable? Or am I going to take the jump into living my life with abandon? Am I going to allow the Holy Spirit to be my only plan? Do I have the conviction to silence my own plans and dreams to seek out the voice of God?
Applying for the World Race was a huge jump for me, a display of surrender to my King. It is one of the hardest decisions I have made but I have so much peace in what God is doing now and will continue to do. You see, I have learned that surrender isn’t a suggestion, it is a necessity. If I am going to walk with Christ, if I am going to allow him to refine me to be the woman God created me to be I MUST surrender. I must trust Him. I must lose it all. All of me laid down and surrendered at His precious altar. I must give him all of me. the good, the bad, the ugly, the beautiful. He wants it all. He requires it all. And if I want to LIVE I have to give it all. I must die, to understand living. There is no life apart from this. He tells us: “For whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it.” Matthew 16:24-25.
It has taken me a lifetime, but I am finally starting to understand this command. Jesus was telling us that HE IS ALL WE WILL EVER NEED. HE IS LIFE. You know how sometimes you can say something and it can sound so elementary, so basic, but it takes a special revelation for it to really permeate your soul? That’s what is happening here I suppose. That’s the difference between knowledge of and knowledge about (although that concept still kind of alludes me).
We live in a world that is constantly marketing to us. Ideas telling me that my worth is measured in stuff. That I am defined by the things of this world. And every day I am flooded with words, images, messages, texts, status updates, etc. making me think that I NEED this or that.
What i need is Jesus. What I need is His all-consuming, never ending, overwhelming, life-giving LOVE. I need his grace. I need his mercy. I need his protection. I need his presence. i need to surrender it all to Him and say HAVE YOUR WAY. It is not a one time thing. I need to do it every single day of life on this earth.
how could i have ever believed that my stuff, my appearance, my friends, my job, could give me life?
Only Jesus can give me life and give me purpose or worth. So knowing this, how can I NOT surrender?? How could I have ever said no to the calling of God because of a job? Because of a city? Because of friends and family? Because of a home? These things (although they are blessings and I appreciate them very much) are not the source of my value or my worth. When I stand face to face with God He will not congratulate me for my well nested apartment or the way that I enjoyed NYC. By choosing to live a life surrendered, I am covered by the blood of Jesus and the wings of God. It’s terrifying and exciting all at once.
I have absolutely no control over the next year. Where i go, whom I travel with, ministry options, housing, plans, even finances. There was a time when I would have never been down with this. But now, standing on the edge of this glorious free-fall my heart is dancing. For I am standing on the promise that by laying down my life, my 10-year plan and my dreams for the future, my daily plans, my wish-list, my thoughts, my expectations, my skewed ideas of worth and value, that I will in exchange receive a life so full of love I won’t be able to contain it. It will spill over on to those around me (don’t thank me, thank Jesus).
Just this week I stood at a crossroad that required my full surrender. It will be a surprise to many of you, but stay tuned for an update and exciting new CHANGE.
“For what shall a man profit if he gains the whole world yet loses his own soul?” Matthew 16:26
As always, if you would like to support my continued growth in Christ and the delivery of His gospel to the nations, I need your help. 1. prayer. 2. financially. To support me with a one-time or monthly donation please click “support me” on the left side of your page. Thank you so much.
God is so so good yall,
Stacie
