I started writing this blog on June 27th, but I didn’t have access to the pictures I needed so I waited to post it. Today, I stand in awe at how incredible the Lord is…keep reading 🙂
Yesterday was a low point. Have you seen the movie the Holiday? Kate Winslet’s “love” proposes to someone else so she turns the gas burner on and starts smelling the gas, only to realize a few seconds later that she’s being ridiculous and smacks herself in the face? Haha, well I wouldn’t call yesterday THAT much of a low point, it was more of a bottle of wine rather than a glass kind of day. You see, once upon a time I had a teaching and coaching job that I loved, one which also brought in an income. Oh, those were the days!
Last night, I found myself weeping in my mom’s arms because I’m just tired. I’m tired of raising support. I’m tired of picking up and leaving the people I love every few months. I’m tired of never knowing what to say when I’m around people because I just don’t care about the small things I used to and everyone gets uncomfortable when conversation gets real. Yep. There, I said it. It probably doesn’t bring much confidence to people reading this when the person they’re investing in says they’re tired of the whole shenanigan but I’m all about being real.
I can spout off scriptures that speak of the Lord’s faithfulness and that’s great, but last night was a night that I didn’t feel His faithfulness. I didn’t feel His presence. I felt completely alone. I felt like I’ve been standing on a promise that He made to me almost two years ago about the27project coming to fruition, and then in one foul swoop it was swept away by doubt. The enemy loves to plant fear and doubt in our minds, he’s kind of a jerk like that. So, I began to retrace my journey for the past few years to remind myself of God’s goodness and thank Him for His faithfulness.
I asked Him to use me to change the world; He gave me a job teaching and coaching in a Title I school.
I asked Him to teach me to trust and open my heart, even though it was broken at the time; He took me on a crazy 11 month journey called the World Race with this amazing group of people.
I asked Him for people that would love me on the Race, even when I was a hot mess; He brought these women across my path.
I asked Him to break my heart for what breaks His; He brought Mama and Boy Boy into my life and gave me a heart for orphans in Haiti.
I asked Him to show me what I was supposed to do about human trafficking and to give my life a specific purpose; He took me to Moldova and gave me the vision for the27project.
I asked Him to heal my heart from bad experiences with guys my age; He placed these lovely men on my team to fight me tooth and nail to show that they loved me.
I asked Him to break me; He took me to Zambia, and well, we all know how that went.
I asked Him to give me more insight into human trafficking; He took me to Puerto Galera, Philippines to work with Threads of Hope.
I asked Him to speak to me in new ways; He showed me things through architecture and photography.
I asked Him to end the Race well; He blessed me with time to travel with P squad leadership.
I asked Him for time with family; He gave me four months in the States.
I asked Him for influence and to use me to show women their worth; He gave me four months of leading these beautiful people.
I asked Him to teach me to be under the spiritual authority of God honoring men; He brought Noe (field support) and Michael (co-leader) into my life.
I asked Him for a glimpse of the27project; He gave B squad the 10K for Cambodia.
I asked Him for community and people that would love me well when I returned from squad leading; He brought sweet Micah back into my life, the Fab Four, and 509 Carrington.
I asked Him to see my inheritance; He took me back to B squad in Kenya.
I asked Him for a chance to work with kids again; He gave me a job teaching swim lessons and working at the imagination factory.
I asked Him for wisdom and pruning; He’s taking me to G42 in Mijas, Spain.
Once again, I’m starting a journey into the unknown in a place of complete brokenness. But, ultimately, I know that the Lord has set aside the next 6 months as a time to dive deeper into His heart for me and for my future.
Yesterday, the enemy placed doubt. Today, he’s getting kicked in the face.
The past 2 years, I’ve asked for provision; God’s given me $20,000 to do missions around the world. I trust that He is a good Father. I know that He is faithful. I leave for Spain in TEN days! I’m so excited! I still have $4,694 of support to raise for G42, which is a leadership school that will help develop the27project. That’s 47 people donating $100, easy capeezi! Thank you for your continued prayers and support. I love each of you deeply.
Update: I now only need $500 for tuition! The Father gives good gifts to His children :). The story of the Lord’s provision for me the past week is crazy, which I’ll update everyone on later. Heading to Spain in TWO days!!! I will be posting blogs/updates on my new blog @ leadmeintothebeautiful.wordpress.com.
Update on the update: After the most ridiculous travel experience ever (5 airports and 2 1/2 days because of a delay on my first flight), I’m now in Mijas, Spain. It’s beautiful. I’m already being challenged and it’s day 2 of classes.
