A long story but worth the read… at least I think so.
I graduated from Columbus State with my Bachelor of Arts in
Political Science in December 2006. I wasn’t really sure what I was going to do
with my degree (come to think about it, 3.5 years later I still don’t know what
I’m going to do with it. If you have any suggestions, let me know). In January
of 2007, I went with my college ministry to a conference in Atlanta called
“Passion”. Passion is the brain child of
Louis Giglio, 24,000 college students gathered from all over the world for four
days to worship, teach, learn and share the love of Christ with each other. It
was an incredible, live changing four days in where I heard sermons from some
of the best evangelists out there today including Beth Moore, Francis Chan,
John Piper and many more. The whole
focus of Passion was on our responsibility as Christians to reaching out and
share the gospel to the unreached places of the world. At the end of those four days I had accepted
the call and came back home with a new purpose in life.
out. I started researching different organizations and trips, buying as many
books and reading as many online articles as I could about missions. However, I quickly became overwhelmed with
the amount of money to be raised and the lack of knowledge I had on each
organization. At this point I was still a toddler in my christen walk. I didn’t
accept Christ until I was a junior in college. I had never met a missionary in
my life. I didn’t know how to raise all the money. My fears consumed me and
instead of turning toward God and relying on Him to provide and calm my fears, I
inadvertently turned away from God and decided to handle things on my own. In one of the books I read they talked about
the Peace Corps. It seemed the answer to all my problems. In one of the books I
had gotten about volunteering overseas they talked about The Peace Corps. I thought, oh my goodness, this is the answer
to all my problems. I wanted to help people; they helped people. I felt called
to Africa; they worked in Africa. They were even going to take care of all my
expenses, gave me a monthly stipend, health care and even a readjustment
alliance once my commitment was completed. What more could I ask for? Granted,
they weren’t a Christian organization but I could evangelize and get involved
with a local church in my spare time. Hindsight is 20/20 and looking back I can see there were MANY times that
God was telling me, “Sinamon, this is not what I want you to do.” But I was too
stubborn and hard headed to listen. I was determined. The processes took me a
year, longer than it normally should but in February of 2008 I was headed to
Zambia, Africa.
wanted me. I could sit here and write page after page telling you about what
happened and why the Peace Corps didn’t work out but none of those things
really matter now. I had manipulated His
will into my will. Africa was amazing, I feel in love with the people and
culture there but the Peace Corps was nothing like what I had expected. I was
depressed, lonely, feeling like a total outcast and one night as I sat outside
of my mud hut looking at the stars I prayed this prayer, “God, I know I messed
up. I didn’t trust you. I didn’t even listen to you. I promise that if you get
me out of this mess of a situation I have put myself in I will come back and do
whatever you want me to.” Four days and a lot of tears later, I was headed back
home.
Now, I thought what I had experienced in Zambia was bad but
I had no clue until I got back how bad things could get. I hid out in my house for two weeks. I didn’t
want anyone to know I was back until I had decided what I was going to do with
my life. I felt like I had let everyone down… my friends, my family, my church
family, myself… the list goes on and on. I had promised God I would do whatever
He wanted me to do but in the mean time I needed a job. Something to get me up,
dressed and out of the house every day. I started applying for all kinds of
jobs but nothing was happening. I didn’t understand why. This was before the
economy had gotten bad. I had tons of experience but I couldn’t even get a
interview with anyone, anywhere. Little
did I know that I was asking for a job but God had a career in mind. I was
technically unemployed for eight months. The eight longest months of my life
but also the eight most necessary and important months of my life. It was
during this time that I realized God was calling me to youth ministry. I was
resistant to the call at first. I remember going to my college minister and
friend’s office at the time and crying for hours begging him to help me pray
this call away. I felt as if I wasn’t qualified to me a youth leader and the
last thing I wanted was to fail at something else. Jimmy reminded me that we
can’t pray for God’s will to change but we can pray for God to change our heart
in regard to His will. So I started praying and I told God that I would pursue
this call but I didn’t feel like it was going to work out. Jimmy called me and told me that he heard of
a church out in Upatoi that was looking for a Youth Director. I reluctantly
called and began the application process. Anyone that was in the room during my
first interview can tell you, I was still hesitant about the call during my
first interview. I was nervous and awkward. I didn’t believe I could do this so
I was having a hard time trying to convince others that I could. However, I
continued to be faithful in prayer, asking God to convict my heart. It was two
weeks before I came in for a second interview and during that time, I knew this
was what I was meant to do. I don’t want to brag or anything but I blew them
away during my second interview, lol.
So I’ve been here for almost two years and I love it. I love
the kids. I love this church. I love our youth room. I love everything. But
still I long for something more. I have an unsettling in my heart. For a long
time I thought something was missing. I try to fill that void with an array of
things but nothing seemed to fit.
I have a weekly bible
study with three friends I went to college with and one day as I was talking
about how I felt like something was off in my life my friend said, “You’re
heart still longs for an adventure. A chance to do something bold and brave for
God. You thought the Peace Corps was it
and it didn’t work out but your heart still has that desire, to fulfill the
call God placed in your life years ago.” She was absolutely right. When the
Peace Corps didn’t work out it knocked me off my feet, I questioned everything
I thought I knew. I had a wounded heart and Upatoi is where God sent me for my
heart to heal. When she told me this although
I agreed, I still felt like I had a lot of healing to do so I continued with my
pursuit of other things.
A few weeks later (around September) another friend in that
Bible Study sent me an email with the link to The World Race. She knew a girl
from high school who was doing it and thought it looked like something I might
be interested in. She told me to just
check it out and see what I thought. I literally clicked the link, checked the
website out for 5 minutes and said, “That sounds really awesome but I’m not
ready.” (Don’t you just love how I always tell God what I can and can’t do?
Good thing He NEVER listens.)
At the end of December, as God was contenting to shut the
door to every other avenue I was pursuing, the World Race came back up. I began
spending massive amounts of time reading other racers blogs and the way God was
changing their lives and the people they were helping. It was then that I came to a breaking point.
I said, “Lord, not my will but Your will be done. If this World Race thing is
something I’m meant to pursue (even though it scares the mess out of me) let me
know, send me a sign. Because the last thing I want to do is pursue something outside
of Your will.”
The next Sunday, my pastor started his sermon series on
“Discerning God’s Will for Our Lives” I knew immediately God was talking to
me. I was like, “Well Hello God, you
have my full attention. I’m even taking notes.” One Sunday I even sat through
both services because the message was so personal for me. I was sure that by
the end of the series I would have my answer but sadly after Chip’s last
message I was still unsure. The next day I told him I need to meet with him to
talk about some things in my life. I literally took everything that had
happened to me in the last four years, throw it on the table and said, “Tell me
what God wants me to do with this.” Chip, being the great mentor and pastor
that he is, listened to me, gave me his advice and a lot of other things to
think about but he didn’t give me the one thing I was looking for, an
answer. I talked to Jimmy the next day
and he basically said the same thing, “God isn’t going to reveal His plan for
your life to anyone other than you.” After talking to both my mentors I was
more confused than when I had started. God didn’t give me a “no” in this
process but he sure did give me a discouraged heart. I continued to pray about
it but had decided that maybe God was telling me not right now. A big part of
me was relieved. I can stay here. God has something else (hopefully less scary)
in store.
A little something about me, if you haven’t already figured
this out about, when God wants me to do something, He always uses other people
in my life to push me. Just like He used Jimmy to push me into pursing youth
minister, He used another friend to push me into finding out more about the
World Race. I agreed to call and find out as much as I could. I ended up
talking to three different people who had been on the trip, one person had been
twice. The answers to all their questions were better than anything I had
expected. I began the application process and asked God that if this wasn’t His
will, would He please close the door. He didn’t close the door. The day before
I left for a women’s retreat with some of the ladies from my church, the World
Race people had tried to contact me all day. We kept missing each other and the
morning that we left I knew that they were going to call to tell me something.
I was worried about having to answer the phone in the car because I didn’t want
anyone to know at that time and I felt like that could potentially be an
awkward conversation. We stopped for a picnic lunch and I said, “Lord, if they
are going to call, let them do it now where I can get away for a moment.” I was
the first one done eating and as soon as I was through my phone rang and it was
to inform me that I was accepted on the World Race October 2010 team.
God has continued to bless this ministry over the last few
months. In just the last three days He has almost doubled the amount of support
I’ve received. I know that this is His
will for my life and I am more than happy to obediently respond to His call. I
ask that you continue to pray for me. Pray for those who have supported and are
prayfully considering support this ministry. Also please pray for the other
members of the October squad. Support raising and preparing to leave everything
you know behind in a quest to serve the Lord isn’t an easy task but we’re all
committed to serving the Lord in the way He has called us.
