I started off in a forest in my dream last night, walking a dog/goat. It went back and forth between the two. As we approach a trailer, the animal turned around, sat on its haunches and refused to go any further. Then I heard a voice say “Something bad happened here” and I got mental flashes of one woman in several times of her life, obviously distressed, with no help ever. She just kept moving forward but with no real reason to hope, yet she did, and was disappointed every time. I felt suicide was a part of her story somewhere. In the last snapshot, she was holding her hands out in need to someone and I got the sense that it was me and I started to walk toward her and take them. The voice came back and said “You don’t want to go there and see all of that, you will only be depressed because you can’t do anything about it. Just leave now and you can remain happy and not be depressed”. Do you know I turned my back on that woman in need, flew up into and through the air over the beautiful landscape and sang a song about being happy and free like something right out of a Disney film! Cold-hearted! Some people might be laughing but I am disturbed. I am glad that I am disturbed. I have been struggling with fear of entering brokenness over other people’s pain and heartache on this trip. I will witness some really tough things, and I already know it’s going to take its toll and break me down before the work of rebuilding me can begin. It’s just scary; nobody wants to feel that way. Last night I struggled with God a bit and said “God, really, what are we doing here?” in a moment. This dream was an answer. We are rooting out the selfish traces of the Simeon I am now, who fears entering his own brokenness by meeting others in theirs. The Simeon who thinks, somewhere in the deep recesses of his mind, that the world can be as happy as a Disney movie if I avoid darkness and brokenness; my own and other people’s. I don’t want to be him anymore, harboring such selfishness and fear. I am thankful I serve a God who doesn’t leave us in our mess alone to despair, or allow us to lie to ourselves when he knows our desire is to move forward. That truly is my desire, to move forward with hope and faith. It is comforting and encouraging to know that he is even more dedicated to this task than I am. Brokenness is in my future, I wont run any longer.
Thank you for following along on my journey. As always, if you would like to support me in my ministry you can pray for me and my team, as well as the people groups we will be going to serve. If you would like to commit to be a prayer partner for me and my team through this year, please let me know here. As well, all of our 30 team members have to raise $16,500 each to be able to take this journey. Currently, I still have a need of $9,500. If you wish to donate, there are links to the top and left which say “Support Me!” which will lead you to the right place. A huge thank you to everyone who has already given. My launch date is January 1st, New Years Day!
