Debrief happens every few months on the World Race. It's a time to meet with our squad parents and talk about our previous months. It's a time to reflect and rest after months of ministry. A time for the whole squad to come back together, a time of fellowship. That's the idea anyway. For me it wasn't anything close to that. I honestly hated the whole week. I don't like big groups… At all! Big groups to me are always just a group of small clicks and you never know which click you can be around. Being in big groups always throws me back into my high school mentality of "I don't care" and "I'd rather be alone"
I'm the first to admit that this is just an insecurity of mine. It's easier to say I don't care than it is to risk being judged and rejected. As I reflect on my life I realize how much this
insecurity has effected my entire life.
During a night of worship I begged God to rid me of this insecurity. I begged to love my entire squad and anyone that I came into contact with. There are people on my squad that constantly have love pouring out of them. I have had the opportunity to watch them love every person they talk to! That is something I so desire to have in my life. I see that all the love they pour out brings not only joy to them but everyone around them joy!
I have continuously begged to love more like Christ loves. And boy did he listen to me. This morning while praying on top of a hill in Romania I asked God why he put me in such an uncomfortable situation this month. And I realized he had given me exactly what I wanted, just not how I expected.
Instead of just changing my heart and having me wake up one day and be totally in love with everyone I meet. He is setting me up to fight for it. By this I mean, this months ministry is going to be very different than last month. This month my wonderful small team of 5 girls is going to be partnered with 3 other teams! Hello big group! At first I was not happy about this at all! I just wanted to leave debrief and go back to my small team, I had no desire to be partnered with Anyone, didn't want to be pulled out of my comfort zone at all. This month I will learn to live and love in a bigger group than I am comfortable with. I am nervous and excited for the outcome. I know this is going to be good! But I'll forever remember to be careful what I pray for!
