Okay so here is a list of things we did at camp:
- Lived without electricity, technology, and hot water
- Used port-o-potties only (they filled up real quick and were sometimes “a little too close for comfort”)
- Rationed out our food that once consisted of crickets, chicken feet, cow stomach, and cow intestine
- Slept in tents or outside (some nights it was below 40 degrees)
- Exercised everyday
- Took ice cold bucket showers
- Shared bowls of curry and other messy foods between 8 pairs of unwashed, dirt covered hands
- Carried each other (physically and spiritually)
There was a night where we “lost our luggage”. We had to share one tent, one sleeping bag, one pillow, and one sleeping pad between 2-3 people and it was FREEZING. Like it literally was 38 degrees that night.
We would get up at 6am to pray and exercise whether we slept or not.
There were days where I couldn’t eat the food or I would give most of my portion to the men on my squad.
We only showered maybe twice in 10 days because the water was so cold and it was hard to warm back up.
I was uncomfortable. But I was ALIVE.
My back ached, my hip was pinched, my mind was foggy with a lack of sleep and food, I shivered for 4 hours straight some mornings.
But I’m laughed with my squad mates until our tummies hurt about how horribly the outhouses smelled. I blessed my brothers and sisters with back massages. I cuddled up with as many of my new family members as I could find in order to get warm. I cried while hearing one of my sisters’ testimonies.
One night my whole squad learned a big secret about me. I shook with nervousness and excitement when I was forced to step out of my boat of comfort into the waves of vulnerability. That night in the lodge I got to experience the love of the holy spirit replacing my fears with hugs of joy.
The biggest thing I learned at camp is who the real enemy is. I used to think the enemy was temptation and sin so things I struggle with like lust, idolatry, gossip, etc.
Shame.
Shame is the true enemy. The reason the God gives us rules to abide by are so that we don’t suffer from shame and self hatred. I always wondered how God sees all sin the same. Like God sees me telling myself I look ugly the same as he sees a murder.
How?
Because God is the only One who can look at me, a Christian, or a guilty person on death row and doesn’t see me or him/her as a “failure” or a “bad person”. He only sees the hurt and the shame that we suffer from. And he wants to heal both of us.
Jesus was a healer. He heals the hurt. All we have to do is admit we are hurt and suffering. We have to admit we suffer from shame which means we have to admit we are sinners.
He has already taken our shame away. He did that on the cross. All we have to do now is ask him to open our eyes to where the enemy, shame, has burrowed into the nooks and crannies of our hearts.
