She avoided my gaze as I searched her face out. I followed her into this room of crowded children and tried to sit near her. Still she avoided me. As I sat down, two other children saw the opportunity of an open lap and dove at the chance. Sitting there with these two little girls on me I still tried to find her eyes. After a few moments I gave up. Just a minute later I felt her tiny little hand grasp mine and pull it towards her. I sat there holding her hand as it rested on the lap of the child sitting right next to me and I could feel the joy rise in my heart. She still wanted my love.
Children’s ministry has never been my forte. In fact it kind of makes me nervous. For whatever reason there has always been a disconnect between me and children. I don’t know what to do with them… I don’t particularly enjoy playing Duck Duck Goose or tag or any other game of that sort. I have never enjoyed or been good at the intricate clapping games where they stand in circles and slap patterns into each other’s hands. And sports are definitely not my thing. So playing with children is something that I have never really enjoyed. But this month God showed me a different aspect of loving children. In a way that’s perfect for me.
Over the years of doing random ministry with children I have discovered all these things about myself, but I have also discovered that I am drawn to a very specific kind of child. The ones that catch my attention are the ones in the background. The ones that are quiet and usually have a sad look in their eyes. The ones you can just sit with and not say anything, but the fact that you are holding them and loving on them says everything.
The first day I went to the Carepoint, I went because none of the other ministry opportunities that day really sounded that fun either. But in going, God gave me a gift. He gave me this little 4 year old girl who, unlike the other children, just wanted my love. Unlike the others who were pulling and tugging me in all these different directions trying to get me to take their pictures or grabbing at my camera, she was content to stand in front of me and hug my legs. When I left that day I gave her a big hug and a kiss on the cheek, a gesture I have never felt the liberty to do before. She followed me all the way to the road as we waved good bye.
That day I fell in love with her. And every day since, I’ve gone with joy hoping to see her face. But since then, I haven’t really seen her except for the day after when she was pretending not to see me. But I go every day hoping. Because of my desire to hold her and love her, I go. And through that, I have made other little loves as well. I now have several faces I go to see. But hers is one that I always seek out.
She has no idea the impact she had on my life. She is so small and she didn’t even really do anything, except show me love. That’s all it took. That thought encourages me. I have been “showing people love” as a ministry for the last 3 months now, not thinking I had any impact at all. Now I know that I will never fully know the impact I can have in people’s lives. It’s not something they would tell me. It’s something that they feel. Now I know that I can make a difference just by loving on people. And it’s all because of this little girl. That blows my mind.
God has taught me to love His children, even if it feels like it’s not making a difference. It makes more of a difference then I will ever know. And it’s all because of Him.
