My beloved spoke, and said to me, “Rise up, my love, my beautiful one, and come away.
Song of songs 2:10
All my life I’ve been told how beautiful my hair was, and I’m not ganna lie, I was pretty satisfied with it myself. It wasn’t until I cut it short that I realized how much it meant to me.
When I actually went through with cutting my waist long hair to a much shorter length right above my shoulders, more then just inches came off.
I discovered that a lot of my self worth and identity were hidden in those inches of hair. And when they were gone new, unfamiliar insecurities rose to the surface. I suddenly felt unattractive.
When training camp rolled around, I realized that this was not a way to look at myself. God spoke to me and told me He wanted to take me on a journey. He wanted me to realize that my true beauty comes from Him, and Him alone.
So at the end of training camp I decided to dread my hair. And surprisingly I found my confidence again, even with this gross new style of hair. I suddenly didn’t care what others opinions of me were.
Dreads weren’t the last step though. I knew the ultimate goal was to shave all my hair off. God had told me that this would be worth it in the end.
So, thats what I did. Now I am hair free and feel a new sense of freedom, and a new sense of identity. Not just because when I look in the mirror a different person looks back at me, but also because I feel like a different person.
I know the proses isn’t over. I know I’m going to have to rely on God a lot over the next few months while my hair is growing back and the insecurities creep back in. I will have to learn to rely solely on how He sees me and not how I’m perceived by the world and its standard of beauty.
My beloved truly has asked me to go on a journey with Him. One that will be difficult, but also so wonderful in the end.
Because He loves me 🙂
