“Shonda, what can I do for you?”
“How can I help you?”
“How can I love you well right now?”
“You’re carrying so much. Please, let me know how I can make it easier.”
These are questions/statements that I’ve heard more in the last 5 months than I’ve ever heard in my life. My answer?
“Nothing. I’ve got it.”
“I don’t know.”
I had no idea what to do with their offers to help me. I had no idea what in the world they could do for me. I had no clue because I had always depended on myself. Rarely, if ever prior to the Race, did I ask for help or allow people to take the reins on things that directly impacted me because I had to make sure things were done right, that every ‘t’ was crossed and every ‘i’ was dotted at just the right moment in just the right way.
The bottom line… I did not trust people with myself in the simplest of things, let alone my heart. I can count on one hand how many people truly know me. There is a fortress around my heart and mind that many have tried to scale the walls of, but have not been able to cross.
The result for me?
Unhealthy independence.
False sense of security.
Fear of letting people in.
Lack of relationships of substance.
Loneliness.
Sadness.
Depression.
Isolation.
Mistakes that could have been avoided.
Boredom.
There’s a mindset that runs deeply in the African-American community that says “I can do bad all by myself.” I don’t need help. I don’t need you. You might be cool, but I can do without you. I have to do this for myself because nobody else is gonna do it for me. I’m a strong, independent Black woman. I take credit for this, this, and that! Where were you when…? And so on and so forth.
It’s a really sad thing. I think that in the beginning it was meant to be this positive thing that empowered Black women, and anybody else, to take responsibility for their lives and not allow others to dictate what their lives looked like or what they could and could not do. But now it is the root of the breakdown in relationships, family, professional opportunities, and, most importantly, spiritual stagnation.
This month my team has had a lot of freedom in how we spend our time. A good portion of my time has been spent just “being” – reflecting on my life, Who God has been to me, where He’s brought me from, where He’s taking me, walking in obedience and trust, and making it a bit simpler for people to scale the walls of my fortress.
“I can do bad all by myself.” There is so much truth in that statement. Apart from God, genuine fellowship with other believers, vulnerability, and honesty there is ample room for “bad” to happen. I’ve seen it in myself and my teammates. It’s those times when we’ve tried to handle things on our own, not inviting others to fight with us, that we’ve succumbed to temptation and/or failed to grow.
I’m beginning to see the beauty in wholly relying upon God and inter-dependence with my sisters and brothers in Christ rather than trying to do everything on my own.
Safety.
Peace.
Joy.
Intimate relationships.
Encouragement.
Fun.
Growth.
Mutual edification.
Knowing and being known.
Grace.
Truth.
Love.
These are the things that God so desires for us to not only experience but to walk in on a moment-to-moment basis. When we abide in Him and His Word abides in us we live life on a whole other plane. And I am so grateful for that.
No longer will I choose to “do bad all by myself.” Instead I choose to “live fully and exuberantly in communion with my Abba and others.”
Happy Thanksgiving! Thank you so much for reading this and all my others blogs. Thank you for your prayers and financial support. By Dec. 31st I have to be fully funded for the race. Right now I am about $2,500 shy of that. I would be ever so grateful if you’d consider making a donation of any amount via the Support Me! tab at the top of this page. May God bless and keep your family this holiday season. I love you so much a bunches, mmuah!
