It’s Wednesday, May 20th at 2:58pm eastern time and I’m sitting against the wall in my bedroom under the windows with my laptop in my lap and a footlong Subway sandwich at my side as I stare across the almost empty bedroom of an apartment that I’ve lived in for the last 10 months. I thought I was hungry, but I guess not since I feel full after drinking ½ of a 23oz. Arizona Green Tea. There is the slight tinge of a headache attempting to come. I’m really tired, but I feel pretty good because I can now see the light at the end of the tunnel. Just 2 days ago (Monday) I thought the light would never come…
You see, May has been a rollercoaster of events and emotions since the 1st and the train won’t stop until training camp ends on the 31st. I have 2 jobs and both of them have hosted some type of large event (150+ attendees) literally every weeknight of this month, except maybe 3. This week has been spent attempting to fully relinquish all responsibilities at both jobs, pack my entire apartment (1200sq ft), and pack for the World Race. I absolutely LOVE my jobs and my students, but it’s all been a bit exhausting to say the least.
On Monday I felt like the world was caving in on me and I would never get anything accomplished. I was completely overwhelmed and stressed out because nothing seemed to be going right. I couldn’t figure out where my packages were that people had sent me with essential items in them. I couldn’t get my rucksack packed because everything wouldn’t fit inside. I couldn’t figure out what to do about my apartment while figuring out what to do about the stupid pack. I couldn’t get the online Uhaul reservation system to cooperate. I couldn’t stop thinking about how much fun I’d had over the weekend with my best friend and how I wished he could’ve stayed in town with me until I leave tomorrow. I couldn’t….
What was the issue? I was trying to do everything without seeking guidance from the One who controls everything. With God all things are possible! My dear squad mate Meraia tried to encourage me with that scripture earlier in the day, but I was too caught up in me to see Him and receive it. After hours upon hours of frustration and running around town, I sat on my nightstand and felt totally defeated. I sat there and stared at the mess that filled my home – piles for the mission trip, piles to pack to send home, piles to be thrown away, piles to be donated, and stuff strewn all across everywhere. I felt hopeless and began to cry. I said, “God, this is STUPID! I can’t get all this done by Wednesday night!” About 2 minutes later a text came through from my best friend that said “Take a deep breath… Wanna Skype?” That was nothing but God! After working 14 hours in the hot sun, he spent 2 hours listening to me whine, cry, and complain. Together, through Skype, we were able to get my rucksack packed. Not only that, but God used my friend to help rebuild my hope and trust in Him, to remind me of the purpose of the madness. There is but one purpose: To bring families to a place of wholeness through spiritual, mental, emotional, physical, and financial restoration.
After the rucksack was packed, hope was restored, and the “why” was remembered, I slept incredibly peacefully. Tuesday morning I got up, packed my daypack with ease, and commenced to begin packing my apartment before my doctor’s appointment. I received great news at the doctor’s office, was able to share a bit about the World Race/ Adventures in Missions with a couple people, and listened as a young lady shared her mission work experiences with me. Her passion for medical missions fueled my excitement about being able to go share Jesus’ healing and restorative power with the world! Later that night, God sent another angel my way to let me know that He didn’t expect me to do this alone. She was so gracious and kind to spend a couple hours helping me pack my entire kitchen – I have LOTS of kitchen stuff – and have dinner with me even though she had been at work ALL day long. Since my mattress and box spring were leaning against my living room wall, I slept on the floor of my bedroom.
When I woke up this morning (Wednesday) at 5:30, I was full of energy and got right to work packing the rest of my apartment before my sister and dad arrived. Another blessing from God! My sister is off on Wednesdays and usually spends the day relaxing and having lunch with my niece at school. Yet, she and my dad – with a messed up back and knees – got on the road at 4:00AM and drove 3.5 hours to come here to Chattanooga to load all my stuff onto a Uhaul truck to take back with them to Clarksville. The fact that they rode 3.5 hours down here together is a testament to the greatness of God in and of itself! There was a time not so long ago that we never would have even dreamed of that happening, but that’s a story for another day. Even though I have a housemate, I furnished everything in the apartment except her room. So there was a LOT of stuff! In spite of that and our past, we were able to enjoy each other’s company laughing, joking, sharing stories, and working away with no murmuring or complaining. I’m sooooooo grateful to them for coming down here today!
There’s no way I could’ve done all of this on my own. More and more over the course of the last six months since I accepted God’s call to the Race, I have been learning what it means to live in community – to receive as well as give, to trust and lean on others, to be flexible and humble, to not only listen to others’ stories but to share pieces of my own. As I sit here writing this I cannot help wondering how community will look with my 52 squad mates and the people we will meet along the way over the next year.
So as I sit here on the floor with my Subway sandwich and no TV to distract me at 4:15pm, I will seek the face of my Father and ask Him to continue shaping and molding me into the young woman He created me to be. I will simply be present… for His presence is awe-inspiring.
“Jesus looked at them and said, ‘With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.’” –Matthew 19:26
