This past weekend was one of the best in a long time for me. Nine of my girlfriends and I went up to Pigeon Forge to celebrate the 30th birthday of one of the ladies. To have 10 young, Jesus-loving, African American, professional women in one place enjoying and loving on each other with no “ratchetness” was… absolutely beautiful and refreshing. We talked, laughed, cried, ate, and encouraged each other while we explored and traversed the terrain of the Smoky Mountains of Tennessee. God really used each of us to pour into and challenge each other, to learn and receive confirmation. I think the biggest thing I walked away with was a challenge to leave Martha behind to become more like Mary.
I am a true caregiver, an ESFJ – extraverted, sensing, feeling, judging – type of person to the core. See, I’m the one that loves being around other people and draws energy from being in constant communion with others; very seldom do I desire to be alone, and if I do I have to be careful about the purpose behind that desire because being alone too much for too long can lead to feelings of depression. I am generally warm and energetic, giving, dependable, down-to-earth, structured, detail-oriented, practical, and enthusiastic. As a natural caregiver, I like to make sure everything is just right for everyone. I like to cook and clean, plan and surprise, teach and nurture the people around me. Sometimes people are surprised when I tell them how old I am because they expect me to be much older, because, in their words, I have an “old soul” and/or am “very mature.” Although my sister is 8 ½ years older than me and has 2 teenage children, people occasionally ask which of us is the older sibling. The way that I carry myself and interact with others is unlike many women my age. I’ve been this way since childhood. I love the woman I have grown to be, yet I understand that this busy-bodied nature of mine is not always beneficial.
Throughout the birthday weekend, a couple of the girls tried to tell me to sit down and enjoy myself. I was enjoying myself, but I wanted everything to be just right and I wanted to make sure everyone was able to fully enjoy themselves. One of the girls asked, “Shonda, what are you doing now?” to which I replied, “Oh I’m just finishing this and then I’mma come sit down.” She said, “You’re just piddling around, like my grandma always says. Just piddling! Come sit down!” “Okay, I will… as soon as I finish this.” (Piddling is an old country term meaning to spend time in a wasteful, trifling, or ineffective way.) The next day, after watching me move back and forth doing everything and nothing at all, the birthday girl asked, “Shonda, has anybody ever told you that you’re like Martha?” I stopped and looked at her thinking about the infamous story of the sisters Mary and Martha in Luke 10. “No, not really,” I replied as I tucked her comment away in my mind along with the other about me piddling. For some reason, their comments/questions really struck me, not in a hurtful way but more of a thought-provoking, soul-searching way.
This morning in my quiet time I reviewed my notes from a podcast series I’ve been listening to entitled Putting Your Life in Order. The first part of the series was about focus. Bishop Walker of Mt. Zion Baptist Church in Nashville, TN defined focus as “the ability to stay on track to the plan of God for your life; staying consistently faithful, functioning according to purpose without being distracted.” In teaching about eliminating distractions from our lives, Bishop Walker stated that we should “not equate busyness with productivity.”
“As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, ‘Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!’ ‘Martha, Martha,’ the Lord answered, ‘you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.’” Luke 10:38-42
Much like Martha, I’m almost always busy doing something. Oft times, the thing I’m busy about can wait until later or is not necessary at all because it has nothing to do with my purpose – I’m simply doing it because I do not like to sit still for very long. I don’t like to feel that I’m being idle. Over the last four years, I’ve been learning how to slow down and enjoy life, to stop and smell the roses rather than finding a way to make them bloom bigger and longer. God tried to grab my attention for longer than I care to remember to show me that sweet communion with Him is worth far more than anything I can ever produce of my own accord. Unfortunately, I didn’t hear His voice calling out to me, or maybe I just refused to listen, so He allowed me to walk through some very difficult circumstances such that I would realize that I had nowhere to turn except to Him. Through the loss of a relationship I treasured above all others, depression that dared to take me out, the miscarriage of a child I wasn’t even aware of carrying, an issue of blood that mirrored the woman in Luke 8, and a change in direction career-wise, Christ drew me unto Himself urging me to choose “what is better,” to rest at His feet like Mary.
As I type this, I wonder how many precious encounters with Jesus, and man, I have missed out on because I have been too busy being busy piddling around. I wonder how much more personal insight and healing I would have had I allowed myself to acknowledge and confront my thoughts and emotions rather than repress them from consciousness. So, while strides have been made my prayer is this:
Father, help me to hand the control I think I have over my life to You. Forgive me for foolishly thinking that I could do this on my own. Continue to draw me to Yourself, and be patient with me as I learn to rely fully upon You. Teach me to truly walk by faith and not by sight. You created me as an ESFJ, but You purposed me to be a woman after Your heart in all things, a woman that would live life in such a way that others would seek You. So please strengthen me to let go of traits that are unlike You as I, like Mary, choose that which is better. Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me that I may bring glory to Your name. Amen.
*Thank you to my friends, my sisters, that helped me to hear His voice a little clearer.
