"In the end, I've come to believe in something I call "The Physics of the Quest." A force in nature governed by laws as real as the laws of gravity. The rule of Quest Physics goes something like this: If you're brave enough to leave behind everything familiar and comforting, which can be anything from your house to bitter, old resentments, and set out on a truth-seeking journey, either externally or internally, and if you are truly willing to regard everything that happens to you on that journey as a clue and if you accept everyone you meet along the way as a teacher and if you are prepared, most of all, to face and forgive some very difficult realities about yourself, then the truth will not be withheld from you." – Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat Pray Love
Well, I am currently in Lilongwe, Malawi (look it up on a map, that's fun), after a 38 hour bus ride from Arusha, Tanzania. Our bus ride was eventful in typical World Race fashion. It included an unexpected overnight sleep on the bus at the border crossing between Tanzania and Malawi, because apparently the border 'closes' at 5pm. So, we all slept huddled in on this little bus with a bunch of Africans hanging out outside. Interesting times.
I went on a safari, saw lots of fun animals. My team is incredible. We got to visit people in their homes, which for us meant 'huts' because we were in a Maasai village. The Maasai people are so heartfelt, genuine, and down-to-earth. They practice a lot of interesting cultural customs and traditions.
We prayed for over 20 people on our prayer walks visiting homes to receive Jesus. The girls on my team are so passionate about seeing people experience the freedom of Christ – of full wellness and healing in Him, not just physically, but spiritually. We have been able to pray for sick people, people with broken arms, with diseased legs, with spiritual sickness and even self-proclaimed demonic forces. We have prayed out demons, seen those arms healed, and have experienced the blessings of love. People loving us unconditionally, us loving them like crazy.
Love… love changes people. It has changed me. The unconditional love of my teammates after countless mistakes, unkempt messes, heartaches and raw honesty (even when it really is difficult)… that has changed me. Some of you read my blog about the beginning of my month 6 in Tanzania. It was tough. I was experiencing a lot of frustration in just feeling kind of void of emotion and 'going through the motions' with all of this. But… some things clicked. God totally shook me and is showing me some things. To avoid writing a whole novel, here are some things that are happening within me:
- PRAYER. God is showing me that He wants me to experience Him in new ways, so this month I am really growing in prayer. I am praying a different 'way' each morning; through the arts and creativity, photography, listening to music, playing music on the guitar, praying through Matthew 6:33, and praying for friends/family back home, in Seattle, and for my Epic family, praying for my future husband, etc.
- FASTING. I am going on a 'technology' fast for this month of March. I really was convicted about my motives for being on The Race. Is it to post fun pictures of me with cute little black babies or update my Facebook status so people at home can see all the things I'm doing? Or is it to really be present with the people; to love them, learn from them, see them… to be fully present among them.
- BEING PRESENT. That is another thing I am really seeing the value of. I can't believe I am into Month 7 of the race. I don't want to find myself more excited about the time past on this journey than the time ahead of me. This is where I am supposed to be. Exactly where I am supposed to be. These countries are my temporary 'home,' and I want to really live embracing that.
- WORSHIP… leading. I have been leading music for our squad's debriefs. We have large group gatherings every two months which usually last about four days. The whole group of 56 poeple get together and meet with our squad 'coaches' and really assess where we are as teams. So.. I was asked back on month 3 to lead our squad Worship for the rest of the year. Me.. little ole' me, doesn't even own a guitar of my own. I come on the Race, and God ironically puts a guitar in my path every single month, whether it be through a local contact or teammate. And somehow, He is just crazily allowing me to thrive on guitar, to learn things I never thought I'd learn, to lead 56 people in worship… it is humbling me like crazy, and through it, I have also learned a lot about fear and anxiety. and not being nervous, but trusting God.
- ANXIETY. The other day, I just confessed to my whole squad of 56 people that I have always struggled with a spirit of fear and anxiety, over so many things in my life. Jobs, relationships, pursuits, friendships. I had spoken to my team about it, and how I just want to be free from it. How I feel like it cripples me on so many levels, and they really encouraged me to tell the whole squad. There's something about just speaking things out loud that can break the power of a struggle. So, I did, and my squad just blessed me through it. They spoke so much truth to me about who I am, and that most of them were surprised that I was nervous.
- MUSIC. I have been spoken over by a lot of my squadmates about the future of music after the Race. The idea overwhelms me, because being a musician is not something I really ever characterized myself as before the last couple years. It is crazy how God makes beautiful things out of us!
- LEARNING. Learning through the African people. Upon arriving in Africa, I had a hard time. I didn't like it here, because I felt like people just wanted to take advantage of me as a white person. But that just isn't the truth, and I have found that digging deeper into a conversation really does produce incredible blessings. I love that. People are so much deeper, they are like books to be read, and if you judge by the cover, you miss the whole person.
- MOTIVATION. God has been really putting this on my heart. What are my reasons for being on the Race? What am I trying to accomplish? What breaks my heart that breaks the heart of God? What are my motivations? And He has been showing me that this is about loving the unloved, about seeing His Kingdom on an incredible, massive scale, about being brave for HIm, about breaking through barriers in my own life and helping others break them too, about being a faithful friend, about being a deeper lover, about finding intimacy in the most unlikely places, and about seeing people come to know Jesus. Pretty cool.
Okay, so I know that's a lot of stuff, but I just want you guys to at least have a glimpse of all that is going on within me. I am so thankful for you and wish you could be on this journey with you. The world as an interesting, sometimes ugly, sometimes beautiful place. There are a lot of things that have shaken me and that have blown me away. There are things I have experienced that have made me ache for the comforts of home, but also things I have seen that make me wonder why we haven't figured it out in America. I am seeing the world. I am seeing God move. I am seeing my teammates and squadmates finding their passions and experiencing incredible influential growth. It is a wild ride. I couldn't imagine being anywhere else right now. Sometimes, I wake up in the morning in some random country, and ask myself, "IS THIS REALLY MY LIFE?!!" I am so blessed.
