We finished month 9 a couple weeks ago and the whole squad was in Nairobi to prepare to fly out to Latvia. I always enjoy the days at the end of the month when the squad comes together and we are able to share stories with the other members of the squad that we haven’t seen all month and encourage each other.
This time, while in Nairobi, me and Lindsey went to lunch one day. We were discussing what life is going to look like for each of us when we get home in a couple months. Discussing how we would love it if God would be so clear and direct in speaking to us about it. Maybe He could send us a letter or call us on the phone! Ha.
Me and Lindsey enjoying the snow in Latvia!
That discussion sparked another discussion. We both were reminded of a couple times in each of our pasts where the Lord did make things very clear for us. As each of us recounted the specific circumstances of those stories I realized there was a common theme….
Each time the Lord had made Himself very clear in answering our prayer was also a time we had completely given up trying to do it ourselves. Each time we had prayed a similar prayer of “Lord, this is up to You. If you want this to happen You’re gonna have to do it because I can’t” (well… that’s my southern version, Lindsey’s would probably sound just a little bit different)
And each time we prayed a prayer like that, the Lord did just that. He took over and did exactly what He wanted. Without any help from us!
After I went back to the hostel that night I continued to process what we had talked about. My question that night was why hadn’t I heard clearly from the Lord more often if all it took was washing my hands of the situation and giving it to Him?
I began to realize that deep down I didn’t trust that God would really take care of it. I thought He might ignore me or just forget or not care enough to do anything about it. So, subconsciously I felt that I needed to do it, because God wouldn’t. (Where those deep seeded lies come from is another story for another day…)
There was the problem! I spend all this time praying about things and asking the Lord to take control of the situation, but the whole time I am scheming how I can take care of it myself… how I can maintain a sense of control. You know… just in case God isn’t listening or if He’s too busy to do it, then I’ll have this back up plan. Well, the Lord rarely works in our timing, so usually I get impatient and put my plan into action before I’ve given the Lord time to take care of it in the way He knows is best.
The 2 times in my life when I surrendered it completely to the Lord and totally took my hands off of it (because it just so happened that I felt inadequate to do anything about it and had no other choice) God showed up in a clear and tangible way. He completely took care of the situation and didn’t leave any room for second guessing on my side. He did it and He did it in a way that I knew it was Him.
So what did I learn from this? I learned that I have believed a lie for most of my life that God didn't care enought to answer my prayers. I believed that He had other things that were more worthy of His time and because of that I have tried to control things in my life. That has only caused me to make a mess of so many situations.
Today I am done with that. I am moving into a new season. A season where I fully know, I fully believe and I fully trust that God is sovereign and that He not only hears me, but that He also delights to answer me and give me what is good for me.
so…I give up.
I give up what I thought was my control over things.
I give up trying and scheming to get what I want.
I give up having a back-up plan.
I give up believing the lie that the Lord does't care enough to answer me.
I’m going all in. I’m moving into a season of trusting the Lord in a way that will leave me flat on my face if He doesn’t come through. Why? Because He has proved Himself faithful in my life so many times, and it’s time I start acting like it.
