This is from a journal entry I wrote last month while in Malaysia. I thought it would be good to share and that it might break a misconception about the life of a missionary.
Before coming on the race I kept asking the Lord to send me somewhere….
At the time, I didn’t entirely understand my desire for the request I was making. Later, though, I realized that I really felt like if I was involved in full time ministry in some way that making decisions for the lord would be easier in a sense and that my life would just look different. I thought that it wouldn’t be so hard in many ways, like dealing with temptations and some of my old habits. I thought if I was in full time ministry that I would wake up every day ready and excited to serve the Lord and to turn away from every temptation. I would automatically love everyone and not make so many mistakes. As I write this I realize how silly those thoughts are, but silly or not they were there hiding in my subconscious affecting my thoughts. (I also realize that I’m probably not the only one to ever have similar thoughts.) And however subconscious those thoughts might have been, today I realized how wrong they were.
Well, here I am… I’ve been a “missionary” for 5 months now. And you know what?… I still have to make the same hard decisions here to pursue the Lord as I did at home. I still have to wake up every morning and choose to love, and be patient, and have a good attitude, and walk away from the temptation to go my own way. I still have to choose to surrender my will again every day and choose to walk in obedience. Whether at home, living the life of a pediatric nurse, or on the mission field the specific choices I have to make might look really different, but ultimately they are the same. So, either way, the choice remains and I face it again everyday and multiple times throughout the day.
Will I be obedient to the Lord and surrender my will to Him yet again?
Will I choose to believe His promises and to look at things with an eternal perspective?
Some days this is pretty easy.
Some days it is really hard.
Some days I succeed.
Some days I fail.
BUT His mercies are new every morning and His strength is made perfect in my weakness!
So, do I regret this life that I asked the Lord for? Nope. Not in the least. My life and the decisions I have to make might not be any easier, like I had thought they would, but this life is more than worth it.
