Trust…I believe trust is looking only to Jesus and keeping my eyes fixed there!
I love the story of Peter walking on water. As long as his eyes were fixed on Jesus He continued to defy the odds and walked on water. Once he took his eyes off Jesus and focused on himself or the storm raging around him he began to sink. the scripture says "He cried out lord save me! Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him 'you of little faith, why did you doubt?'"
Peters faith was in keeping his eyes focused on Jesus. He doubting came when he turned to look at other things.
This theme continues to come up for me. Recently I have been reading the pursuit of God by A.W. Tozer and he puts eloquent words to what I have been experiencing. I'll quote them at the end.
There are a couple books that I have been reading lately that brought to mind my long time trouble with people pleasing and a disease I like to call "the shoulds". These expectations that have always loomed over me… whether real or imagined…whether from others or from myself…they hang there begging my time, attention and emotions. For the first 26 years of my life I was so engulfed in the disease that I didn't even realize it plagued me. The times I did notice something was amiss I was reassured by the lies of the world that I was normal. It would tell me "just try harder" or "this is the way it is supposed to be" or "its ok, just settle, you're not made for more" or "just keep striving".
I would hear these lies and shove away my feelings or I would fill myself with guilt and self condemnation. Neither was a good option… and neither fixed the problem.
Then slowly over the last few years the Lord has really begun to open my eyes to my disease ridden heart. He has given me understanding that a heart to please anyone but Him is only death. This whole time I had been believing that pleasing others and living up to my own warped standards would bring life and joy and happiness. How could I be so blinded all these years? He has opened my eyes to see the deception that I had been living in. To see that only He brings life. I would say that I have slowly begun to come alive these last few years. maybe you have noticed, maybe not… because then again I was pretty good at pretending. I even had myself fooled.
The deception I had been living in said "keep your eyes focused on you" If something is wrong…fix it. If something is right…great job, keep it up! It was all about me. My identity was based on my "feelings" and my "success" or "failure" (at least what I judged as success or failure). It lead to a life of ups and downs following the emotional roller coaster of my heart. So as the Lord began to unlock these things and open my eyes and heart to His truth my life began to change. There is a blessedness, a sweetness, a peace, and a confidence when our gaze is on Him and not ourself.
And as Tozer says so well…
"Faith is the least self-regarding of the virtues. It is by its very nature scarcely conscious of its own existence. Like the eye which sees everything in front of it and never sees itself, faith is occupied with the Object upon which it rests and pays no attention to itself al ll. While we are looking at God we do not see ourselves – blessed riddance. The man who has struggled to purify himself and has had nothing but repeated failures will experience real relief when he stops tinkering with his soul and looks away to the perfect One. While he looks at Christ the very things he has so long been trying to do will be getting done within him. It will be God working in him to will and to do"
