Hey everyone! Just wanted to give an update (albeit a little late) on my upcoming WR plans.
At the beginning of 2017, I was planning on finishing my college education in May and leaving for the World Race in August. That all changed on January 19th. I was showering in my dorm room when I had a seizure. I woke up on the floor of the shower a little dizzy and a lot confused. Being the stubborn person that I am, I asked a friend to take me to convenient care rather than the ER. Unfortunately for me, all they told me was that I needed to go to the ER.
The doctor at the ER confirmed that I had had a seizure and had given myself a concussion when I fell. They recommended taking some days off of work and school to rest, which translated to missing out on a paycheck and falling behind on my homework. They also told me I needed to see my family doctor asap. Little did they know my family doctor was at home-nearly 2 hours away from where I went to school.
So I tried to stick it out at work and school while figuring out a way to get home to see a family doctor (you can’t drive if you’re having seizures by the way). This got to be overwhelming very quickly, and it occurred to me that this was not what I wanted my last semester of college to look like. I didn’t want my GPA or final projects to suffer, so I came to the conclusion that I needed a break. Not because I wanted it, but because I felt I had no other choice left.
I stopped everything to get my health issues figured out. I dropped out of the semester, quit my job, and moved back home with my parents. It felt like forever before I was able to see the right doctor, get my MRI & EEG, and receive my test results. Meanwhile, WR deadlines were creeping up as well. I needed my passport, I needed to make a money deadline, and I wasn’t doing any of it.
So when my results finally came back, I asked the doctor if it would still be okay for me to go on the WR in August. Her response was that she wasn’t going to tell me yes, but that she wasn’t going to tell me no. (Helpful, right?) She said the first year or so would be more of a trial period to see how my body reacts to the medicine she prescribed me. And if my family wasn’t already worried enough about me traveling without them, then you should have seen their reactions to the idea of overseas health care.
I went back and forth for awhile on what my next step should be. I talked with family and friends about it. I tried to look for signs from God. I tried making pro and con lists. Nothing seemed to bring me much peace. So I tried to find peace in other things-all of which only made me feel worse.
**I eventually came to the realization that even though I thought I was ready for this trip, even though I wanted to be ready for this trip-God knows better. He sees right through my fragile certainty. I think maybe this is His way of saying you need to sort some things out in yourself first. His way of saying I see you trying to run. I see you looking for something. And you’re not going to find it anywhere until you let me in completely.**
So I’m not going to lace this post with encouraging Bible verses, because that’s not what I’ve been filling myself up with. And maybe that’s part of the problem.
What’s Next?
Right now I would like to believe the World Race is still something God has planned for me in the future, but it’s not this route-it’s not now. The disappointment I feel knowing that is true is immense. I hope to return to school in the fall, finish my degree, and launch on a different WR route in January 2018 (a full year after my seizure). However, I’ll make no promises that those plans won’t change. As much as I would like God’s plan to come wrapped in a tidy box with an easy to unravel bow on top, I’ve learned the hard way that is nearly never the case.
To the squad I’m leaving: The fellowship I’ve had with you all thus far has been so uplifting! Really, more than I could ever ask for. I’m so grateful for each of you. I will continue to pray for your trip & be there for you all in any way that I can.
Thank you to everyone for their love & support (and patience!).
Lots of Love,
Shelby
