6 days ago I was in Gainesville, GA. 6 days ago I had only ‘showered’ with an occasional bucket rinse or baby wipe for 10 days straight. 6 days ago tents were home, port-o-potties were restrooms, water bottles were sinks, 8 people shared ‘meals’ that in America were portions big enough to feed 3-4 people, our squad had gone from Facebook friends to family, tears were normal and laughter was plentiful, wearing clothes for 3 days straight happened, and schedules finally didn’t matter.
Before I left for camp I wasted so much time searching through blogs about training hoping for some sort of magical schedule to appear. Looking back I thankfully was unable to find one. I read about a few different aspects of camp but nothing actually prepared me for what I would experience. Side note to future racers: be present, let go of your expectations now, be willing, be open, be honest. This will produce freedom and it will allow you to walk in with open hands and create space for God to work in your life.
The truth about training camp is it was really hard. I knew it would be hard, but I had no idea how hard it would be. I was ready to step out of my comfort zone, but looking back I had no idea what that meant. I was excited to turn my phone off for 10 days and to leave my computer at home. But what happens when your tent (shelter), sleeping bag (warmth), and extra clothes (…) are taken from you? What happens when the food you receive is just enough to cover up the hunger? What happens when all of your insecurities are addressed?
Last night I was talking with the ladies on my team. We started unpacking training camp a little. One person shared this on comfort and I frantically typed it down: “The more we start to embrace the uncomfortable, the more it becomes comfortable and the more we can come together united in Christ to lift one another up.”
Spot on. Can I get an AMEN!?
When I was without my tent, 3 people immediately unzipped their doors sharing what little room they had. When I was without my sleeping bag, people gave their sleeping bag liners and extra socks. When my extra clothes were taken…lets be honest, we didn’t change very often anyway… ha! I was never without. During our first debrief we all shared about this experience. Some people shared about how they find it really hard to ask people for things. Others shared about how they struggle to freely give things out of selfishness. I resonated with both. But living in such raw community—those walls can’t and don’t stand. Sharing toothpaste, pillows, sleeping bags, tents, clothes, baby wipes, deodorant and even the same sleeping pads all became normal.
A phrase I shouted out one day during a debrief was “Embrace the Stank.” It was quickly adopted into our daily language. With minimal showers we physically embraced the stank, but what we didn’t expect was how embracing the stank could apply spiritually and emotionally.
The Stank: those pestering wounds that we thought we had addressed in our lives, but really had only covered with some bandaids. For me, I started discovering the stank in my life during the Beauty for Ashes retreat prior to training camp. My beauty for ashes group consisted of 5 other ladies and myself. We went through each of our stories in creative and unique ways in a space that allowed us to become vulnerable in our new community before training camp. I discovered that my self-worth was not grounded in my identity in Christ, but in the world. And at training camp I discovered that I had different losses that I hadn’t allowed myself to grieve. I also discovered that I wasn’t trusting the Lord with my whole life.
Embracing my stank came in a variety of ways.
One night during worship I sat down in my chair and just started praying. Someone came up beside me and prayed over me and then said, “God wants you to know your His favorite.” (side note: I believe God doesn’t just have one favorite. I think we are all His favorite because God’s cool like that.) What a unique experience. So many times I see my worth by the measure of our society. This often leads to me feeling like I will never be worthy, I will never measure up. But something God was teaching me last week was that there is nothing I could ever do to earn His love. I am His favorite and that is such a beautiful picture.
Another moment that stands out was recognizing that I didn’t trust God fully. As I was walking back to our tent village one night, I started thinking about my headlamp. I felt God’s voice asking if I trust Him. I am a big picture person. I like to see the full mountain before I climb it. I noticed that my headlamp was pointed outward. I could see the path I was walking on and the trees around me. An image popped into my head of my headlamp focused on my feet and about an inch in front of me. Again I felt God ask “Do you trust Me? Do you trust me with each step? What if you don’t know the big picture? Would you still trust me?” At a point of surrender I abandoned my inability to trust. It was wonderful.
The truth about training camp is that it is awesome. The community is real. The joy is contagious. The love is abundant. We were placed in our teams at the end of the week. The beautiful faces to the left of the page is my team. Don’t they look awesome? I can’t wait to do life for the next 11 months with these people. Click on their pictures. Learn their names. Read their blogs. We are team Boundless and we are awesome.
With Love,
Shelby
