Disclaimer: In case you didn't figure this out by the title, this blog is about sex. Chances are if you cringed when you saw the title, something in here will offend you. And that's okay: you don't have to read it. God taught me things based on my experiences and spoke to me in a way that would make sense to me. This blog isn't intended for everyone and undoubtedly somebody will read it the wrong way, but trust me when I say Jesus told me somebody needs to hear the lesson He's been teaching me, so just know whoever you are-this is from God to you and it's been quite a journey putting the pieces of it together.
For the past 21 years my view of sex has been greatly skewed. I have listened to the voice and influence of the world instead of what God has to say about what sex is and what sex is not. When I hear the word "sex" some words that come to mind are: shame, manipulation, selfishness and control.
I saw sex as this transaction that never really delivers, and instead leaves people searching. Women use it to feel valued, worthy and loved and leave feeling none of those things. Men use it to fill a desire and end up never being truly satisfied because its insatiable. Everyone's on the search but sex isn't the answer.
As if my perception of sex wasn't off enough already, last year in the Philippines I came to the conclusion that sex was the root of all evil and all the suffering in the world was a result of sex. Before you freak out let me explain my reasoning. Many of the girls and grown adults that I loved and ministered to have been forever damaged because some man thought it was okay to act out a selfish desire on them. Many women are pregnant not because they want to have a child but because a man just decided they have the right to get what they want, when they want it. Many times the mom ends up aborting her baby and carrying the shame of that decision with her for the rest of her life. After seeing their pain I thought, "who am I to ever enjoy something that caused people I love so much pain?"
Mesh all those perceptions of sex together from my life in America to my life in the Philippines and there you find me. In the middle of this whirlwind of 'how can something like sex be beautiful?'
This is where I left my view of sex.
And then God picked it up about month 2 on the race and said, "I'm going to reconstruct this view for you, so I need you to trust me."
The first part of this process was really painful. I had dreams and memories that I didn't want to have. At first I was like, "God why bring this up again?" And His still small voice beckoned me again to trust Him. So I began this journey and towards the end I could begin to see that God had to remind me where all my misconceptions came from. He had to show me that the voice I was using to define what He created wasn't His.
After He was done showing me where my misconceptions came from and showing me how untrue they were He began giving me a whole new view of sex. The way He intended it and created it to be. This process of rebuilding began in His word, which is always a great way to start!
My first revelation came from Genesis 2: 20-25. The story where God made Eve out of Adam's rib.
I have heard this all my life but God revealed something in this truth that no Sunday school teacher had ever taught me. Eve was made FOR Adam, and Eve was made FROM Adam. God told me that I was somebody's Eve. He had made me specifically FOR my very own Adam. He didn't stop there, not only was I made FOR my Adam, I was made FROM my Adam. I was created in the image of the Almighty God, and I was made from the rib of the Adam He had for me. He told me that nobody but my Adam could make me experience this feeling. When we become united as one flesh the rib in which I was made FROM will be united with the rib from which it came. And this beautiful process is called sex.
That is the sex God has intended for me and for you. Call it true love, call it soul mates, or whatever you want. He created it to seal the union of husband and wife, and when it's kept in that sacred covenant that is when it is nothing but beautiful.
The problem I had before was that I saw sex out of this context, the context to which God intended it to be. God's plan for sex has no room for shame, no room for manipulation, no room for control or for selfishness. God's plan instead is all about purity, unity, love and worship.
Worship is getting to that secret place with Abba, that place where it's you and him and you don't care whose watching or what people think. That point of loosing control and letting God move. This place is described in Psalm 9:1 "He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall abide under the shadow of the almighty."
Abba showed me the importance of finding that place with him, no matter where I'm at or what my situations are. That place is precious and is the place that I am refueled. Until I could understand that intimacy with him I would never understand the intimacy he had for me and another person.
That same secret place is mentioned in Psalm 139: 14-15 " I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth." Until I understand the secret place I have with Abba I will never be able to understand the secret place that he has for me and my future husband.
It's out of the overflow of my secret place with him that I can one day enter the secret place with my husband. A place that is free of shame and guilt and a place where Jesus meets us. He created that place to be found by husband and wife only when its first found with him.
All in all, the thing were searching for is intimacy. Sex, as it's intended to be, isn't the search of intimacy that's missing, it's the expression of the intimacy that's already been found.
This redefinition was a long messy process but I make sense of it by knowing God had to tear down the building before He could build a new one. He tore the old building down floor by floor until it was demolished. And then He created a new building starting with the foundation in Him alone.
I'm thankful that God doesn't blush when He teaches me about sex. I'm thankful no topic is off limits for Him to address. I'm thankful that there is nothing that Abba can't redeem, recreate, and make new.
So whoever you are, God wants to redeem your view of sex too. Let him take the time to do so. My prayer is that one day you will thank Him for the blessing of such a beautiful act of worship He created for us.
