"Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come offer your gift." -Matthew 5:23-24
I rejoice in the fact that I'm not who I used to be, and that God is a God who replaces the old with new. I know I am new and not defined by my past and I know that I have been forgiven. When God looks at me he doesn't see a sinner, he sees Jesus' blood over me that washes me white as snow.
But as I read the truth found in Matthew 5, I am struck with conviction. Conviction to say the humbling words, " I am sorry" to those that I hurt in my past, and specifically those that I misrepresented Jesus to through my words and actions in relationships.
When I first felt this twinge of conviction I didn't know what to do with it, because I knew I had to tread lightly in order to guard our hearts. And I also didn't want to send mixed signals or appear as though I was trying to rekindle anything that was already laid to rest.
At first I tried to ignore the conviction, but that didn't work. For a time I even convinced myself that it was the enemy that was bringing it up. Which is no surprise because since God desires reconciliation, the enemy wants nothing more than to stop it from happening. I had to push against those lies.
Whether I liked it or not, that "can of worms" was going to be opened; either from God or from the enemy. While the enemy's goal is to "steal kill and destroy" Gods desire is "for us to have life to the fullest." (John 10:10)
So Abba made it clear that he was indeed opening that old can in order to bring freedom before the enemy could open it and bring forth bondage. I had to trust Him to guard my heart and mind so that destruction wouldn't come from opening that old can of worms.
He also promised me that he would make sure that those that needed to see it would see it. My job was to put it out there and be obedient, and he would deliver it at just the right time.
So here it is.
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First, I want you to know that you deserve an apology. Wrongs were committed on both sides, and while blaming you seems to be the easy way out I know that its nothing more than a cop-out. So I'm taking ownership of the wrongs I committed against you.
I'm sorry for treating you less than you deserve either out of retaliation or just sheer rebellion.
I'm sorry for not handling your heart with the care it deserves.
I'm sorry for blurring the lines of friendship.
I'm sorry for not standing up for what I knew was wrong.
I'm sorry for using you in order to feel important, special, and needed.
I'm sorry for treating you like my latest project.
And most importantly I'm sorry for presenting to you a skewed view of Jesus. My actions and words many times didn't line up with what I claimed to believe.
My prayer for you is that you find someone who loves you for you. Someone who doesn't take advantage of you or use you in order for their own gain. Someone who doesn't seek to change you, but someone who you can grow with in an atmosphere of grace and love. And above all I pray that you get to know the real Jesus, the Jesus who is greater than anything this world has to offer, and that you fall in love with him.
Lastly, through this apology I pray you don't hear my heart, but the heart of your Heavenly Father. He's pursuing you, right now! He loves you just as you are in this very moment.
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As readers, I pray that as you read my deepest apologies that you are encouraged to have the hard conversations and to practice humility by saying "I'm sorry." After all, reconciliation is right at the heart of Jesus and he tells us that he gives us the GIFT of reconciliation.
"All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation." -2 Corinthians 5:18-19
We can be reconciled with others because we were first reconciled to God through Jesus. Its a gift that we get to keep on giving.
The unexpected sweetness of giving this gift is that we are actually getting freedom too; freedom from our past. In my particular situation the enemy has no more footholds to draw things from my past into my current relationships, and down the road into my marriage.
As if that weren't enough, in the process we are also eliminating things that stand in the way of us and Jesus, so therefore we get closer to him and his heart.
Its a win-win situation from both sides. The giver receives freedom and newfound closeness to Abba and the receiver gets to experience the pursuit of Jesus through a sincere apology.
Let Abba open your cans of worms and walk with him in freedom and reconciliation! Its worth it!
