Going into month 7 Abba told me and my team mates that Vietnam was going to be a month of favor. While we didn't know what that meant at first we suddenly found out when we arrived at our hotel that was a 15 minute walk from the beach and included a bed, a toilet, a shower, and air conditioning.
Excuse me? This is the world race. I'm a missionary.
Our living situation didn't line up with my view of "international missions," therefore there was the great collide that resulted into me coming to terms with the fact that despite my three summers in the Philippines, my year in ministry, and my 7 months on the world race, I had a very distorted view of missions.
That sounds kind of ridiculous doesn't it? A missionary who doesn't understand what missions is. Let's apply that same principle to a biologist who doesn't understand the basics of biology. I'm by no means a biologist, but I have to think that lack of understanding would skew his work.
Then my mind began to wander and I got to the point of asking myself a very hard question:
"What makes me a missionary?"
While I would say it was simply the love I have for God, if I were to be honest it wasn't just that love for God that motivated me. It was God + a location, or God + orphans, or God + lots or rice, or God + no air conditioning.
By letting my view of missions become based on anything other than God I am indirectly saying a couple of things. First, God isn't enough. Second, people who aren't away from America, loving on orphans, eating lots of rice, and spending 24/7 in the heat aren't missionaries.
Ouch.
To address the first point: God is always enough. In fact, He is so much "enough" that nothing can be added to Him. Even when we take it back to the very foundations: salvation. Salvation is not based on our performance but on His performance for us. Not on our works, our location, or our moral behavior.
"For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast."
-Ephesians 2:8-9
Now, the second point can be boiled down to one sin, pride. Like any sin its ugly, skews the image of the Almighty, and I was completely blinded to it.
The pride began after my first summer in the Philippines. Anyone who knew me once I returned knew how much I struggled being back in the grand U S of A. I was angry at our wastefulness and our unthankful-ness and that anger turned into pride.
Because I was 19, and gave my summer away to love on orphans I suddenly thought I was this super Christian. That view of myself automatically made me view anyone who hadn't been on a plane across the ocean to love on orphans as less than a Christian. Somehow in my mind I told myself that I was better than them.
I warned you it was ugly.
Not only did my skewed view of missions change the way I viewed other people, it changed the way I viewed myself. Notoriously, when I'm in America I feel less like a Christian. But yet, when I'm somewhere in Asia or Africa I suddenly feel like I'm doing something right, which makes me a better Christian.
Got brought me all the way to Vietnam, into a month of favor in a beautiful country that is closed to the gospel to reveal some intense truth to my heart. He let me know there is no such thing as a good Christian or bad Christian. You're either a Christian or your not, and it's not based on anything we can do. The only part we have in the grand scheme of things is whether or not we receive from Him.
Once I had this revelation I repented to Abba for treating him like he wasn't enough, and for trying to give myself credit for the work he already accomplished. I asked him to continue to point out when I attempted to add to Him and I praised him for his favor.
Next is my apology to you: from the bottom of my heart I want to say I'm sorry that my pride made me look down on any of you reading this who haven't been across the globe. You aren't a lesser Christian and if it weren't for each of you supporting, encouraging and praying for me I wouldn't be here.
The truth is that if we belong to Christ we are ALL missionaries. Period. It is independent of our location, our income, our jobs, or anything else that is "ours."
I pray that as you read this you are encouraged that no matter where we are at in our journey with Christ we always have room to grow. We never reach a point where we understand it all or get it all right. It's a good place to be because its there that the grace of Christ covers us. So today, let his grace cover you and ask him for revelations!
Expect those revelations and grace like rain to change the way you live. The revelations Abba gave me this month have already began to change the remaining time I have on the race, and it will drastically change the time that I have once back in America. I no longer will dread that time, but I will rejoice in the fact that no matter where I'm at, I'm a missionary.
That closeness I experienced with Abba was a huge part of what made Vietnam so great, and the stunning landscape and beautiful people were just another way God showed me his beauty! Here's a glimpse at what being a missionary meant for me this month in Vietnam!
