This is so hard.
Writing this is hard.
Leaving is hard.
Fundraising is especially hard.
Preparing to leave for The World Race, is hard.
Everything around me is either hard to understand or too hard to acknowledge.
I feel as though I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place all the time. I have gone to bed multiple times crying myself to sleep because I’m scared I won’t make the financial deadlines for my trip or that I can’t earn enough money at my job to pay for the vaccinations that I need.
I feel defeated, discouraged and most of all scared.
I wake up every morning and I see my backpack and I think to myself, am I really doing this? Am I really stuffing my life into less than 4,000 cubic inches of space? How on earth am I going to pay for the rest of this? What if I get sick? What will happen to my family once I leave?
To be completely honest with you, it’s a lot easier for me to not think about it. To ignore everything that has to do with the race and my responsibilities with being a part of the team. It’s a lot easier for me to not think about the 6 or 7 thousand dollars that I have to raise and another 2 thousand on top of that. It’s much easier to pin pictures on my Pinterest board about all the amazing things that I will get to do and see in the 5 countries that I’m going to.
It’s overwhelming to say the least and I ask God everyday if this is something He really wants from me and through all those questions that take up space in my head I have never heard him say No.
You see here’s the thing. All those reasons above are not the reasons why I am going on this trip.
Christ wants me to share his Love. I am going because of that.
Because He called me to stand beside the broken.
Because He called me to feed the hungry.
He wants me to share my story of redemption. He wants me to go and not worry about these earthly things, but share the life He has given me.
He knows that I stress way too much about fundraising and about all the other financial deadlines that I still need to make. He knows all my worries and He knows how scared I am. He knows that I am weak
2 Corinthians 12:9 – But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
He knows my weaknesses and He is being made perfect in them because in my weaknesses I am still called to be apart of His Church. I am still called to share His love. In all of this when I am on the race I know I’ll be okay, I know he will put all my worries to rest and I know he will be watching over me.
I may be weak, but His grace surrounds me and He has given me His eyes to see, His heart to love and, His feet to walk the narrow path. Amen.
