I am so extremely tired. I have spent many MANY nights crying and worrying and stressing about things that are out of my hands and I am just sitting here finally saying that I am tired.
I have TRIED and tried to raise the money for this trip and I have exhausted my resources available to me to do this, and I have been denied many times. I’ve sat around all day and stayed up all night trying to figure out what I have been doing wrong in this process. I’ve even gone to yelling at God because my thought process is I know this is what He has called me to, so why isn’t He providing for my needs. I got my answer this morning.
This isn’t mine. This trip isn’t for me. This is for my Jesus and is all about making Him known. I can’t be relying on my own abilities in this process or it won’t work out. I have to rely on the fact that if God wants me in this place in my life, He’s going to make a way. He is going to provide me with absolutely everything I need to go on this journey.
People keep telling me that the Lord has a way of stretching us and shaping us by waiting until the last minute to provide for us (I guess to train our endurance and trust in Him) and I am willing to wait on Him because Psalm 27:14 says “Wait for the Lord; be strong and courageous. Wait for the Lord.” so that’s what i’ll do. I might not always be strong and I might not always be courageous, but I will wait for the Lord. I will wait as long as it takes for Him to provide me with what I need according to His plan. My prayer now is just that I am able to tune my ear and keep my eyes on Him so that I will not miss what He is giving me.
Loving the Lord has been the easiest thing I have ever done in my entire life, but following His calling in my life has been the most difficult thing I have ever imagined. I have experienced the worst pain and have had the worst heartbreaks that I could ever imagine. I have had people ripped away from me and I have had my faith in Jesus tested more times than I can count. I confess that I have questioned if it’s worth it sometimes. But when I am in times like this, when all the stress and worry and sorrow of the world is on my shoulders, I just look forward to the other side. The outcome of all of this pain. There is going to be a time when all of this pain is gone and I am going to be a different person because of it and THAT is exactly what keeps me going.
Until I reach the other side, I long for your prayers. I long for you to cry out to God along side me. Together as we storm the gates of Heaven in prayer, we will be heard and God will respond. Let’s make our voices heard in the Kingdom! If you feel compelled, please partner with me monetarily. I don’t care if it’s $1, $5, $10, $100, or $1,000. I care about your heart behind it. God says “Remember this: The person who sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and the person who sows generously will also reap generously. Each person should do as he has decided in his heart– not reluctantly or out of necessity, for God loves a cheerful giver.” (2 Corinthians 9:6-7)
I love and am praying for all of you and I can’t wait to share more about what God is doing in my life! Sorry for missing last month’s post! I’ll do double this month!
