Dear World Race Blog,
I’ve been putting this off for a while now, but I think it’s finally time to talk. It’s been good, in fact, it’s been amazing, but I think it is time that we part ways. Trust me, it’s not you, it’s me. It’s just that I have changed a lot this year and am moving into a new season in life. I can’t continue to define myself by this last season together if I’m going to move into the next one and expect to grow. I will cherish our times together, good and bad. I’ve loved your simplicity and clear identity. I’ve loved sharing my life with you, you have been a true friend. It is time for me to move on though, and I’ve actually met someone new. His name is WordPress. We’ve been spending a lot of time together and have created something called Beautiful Dust. It’s been really awesome and I hope you will be happy for me. I wish you the best.
Sincerely,
Sheila
Yup. We’re breaking up.
It’s time. I’ve been home a while now. I’ve processed, cried, become a hermit, got back out again, cried, gotten homesick for the Race, processed, tried new things, gotten involved in new community, gotten some next steps for my life, cried, missed my old community and here I am. Yeah, it’s a process.
I compare getting off the Race to this scene in the Chronicles of Narnia movie: Prince Caspian. It’s at the end of the movie where the 4 Pevensy kids leave Narnia (through a crazy, invisible door!) and appear back in the train station where they first left. When they appear back in the train station, it’s actually been only a split second that they’ve been gone from the “real world.” Trains hurtle through the station, other kids are still yelling at them, life is still rushing by. It’s rushing and going on as though nothing has changed. Yet, everything has changed for them. They’ve been through years of experiences and growth in Narnia, they’ve grown up and become kings and queens, they’ve met new best friends, developed deep relationships and even fallen in love. And they come back to a world and a place that is still going on like nothing is different and doesn’t really recognize that the other world existed. Where others still treat them as children when they have actually spent a lot of time growing up. They can’t really talk about their experiences with others because others will probably think they are crazy. Are they? Was it all in their heads or did they really experience it? Was all this growth and hardship worth it if everyone treats them the same as they did 5 minutes before they left? It’s hard. No one will ever quite understand it except for the siblings that went through it with them. They’re going to have to move on, obviously, but they’re going to need each other. They’re going to need community. And they’re going to need to be acknowledged as changed.
I don’t mean to be all melodramatic but this really rings true for me. It’s a hard thing to adjust to a new you in an old life. But it’s time to keep moving. Life is moving. If I don’t start moving, it’s gonna leave me behind. And I can’t afford that now, the stakes are too high. God’s given me all the tools and direction I need to further His kingdom so I have to get started! Lives are too precious to leave them unchanged by His love.
So here I go. I went to a conference called Searchlight a few weeks ago that was put on by the AIM organization: Kingdom Dreams. For one week a whole bunch of alumni Racers got together and spurred each other on to clarify the dream God put on their hearts and GO DO IT.
I went into the week tired and super confused about my dream, wondering if I even had one. I left, still tired from late nights with friends and kareoke-ing, but with a clarified dream, next steps towards it and a renewed energy to climb them. I will update you on the more long-term-ish dream later, but for now, here is my next step- I’m going to do an internship at International House of Prayer in July!!! After this year of tumultuous growth and refining, I feel like God is calling me into a season of just me and Him. Getting to know Him deeper and thereby preparing me for the ministry He has for me. So, I will be posting more info on IHOP as I go. I have loved having you along on this journey and hope you continue with me as I keep going. My new blog is This Beautiful Dust, you can subscribe to get e-mail updates just like the old blog. Hope you stay in touch!
