I spent today with my family and at one point in time the conversation of me going on the World Race came up. This was what (basically) was said:
Grandma: What are you going to do about your car payments when you’re gone?
Me: I’m going to sell it.
Grandma (with a shocked look): That’s silly. What are you going to do when you return and need a car and a job? What will you do then? You’re going to wind up relying on your mother and that’s not fair to her. You’re going to wind up getting stuck relying on her.
Me: God will provide. If he’s called me to do this he will provide now and when I return. Who knows, I might get called to go overseas when the Race is done and then I wouldn’t even need a car.
Grandma: Do you have to pay when you go to training camp?
Me: No, its part of my fundraising.
Grandma: What about food? When you get up there what are you going to do about food and housing?
Me: Its in my fundraising Grandma. Its budgeted as part of the funds I must raise. As far as housing, for 11 months my home could possibly be a tent and a sleeping bag. That will be my home while at training camp. I’m not ignoring my responsibilities grandma. All my bills will be paid for while I’m gone. Its not like I’m up and just leaving them and acting like they aren’t there. If God called me to do this, he will provide.
Grandma: Yeah but you’re relying on others to provide.
Me: grandma, that’s how God works sometimes. I’m relying on Him to provide the funds for me to go. If that means he opens the hearts and wallets of other people then that is what he does.
Grandma: I know BUT there has to be a better way.
Out of this entire conversation it was the BUT that stuck with me the most. Now, don’t get me wrong, I LOVE my grandma and my family. I’m not writing this to call anyone out if they are reading this but something was revealed to me through this conversation and really has been tugging on my heart.
How many times do we say, “yeah God BUT…”? I know I’ve done it! Many times! And to be completely honest, even now. We are so accustomed to and actually taught to be “in control”, to make wise decisions. Decisions that will set us up for “success” – thus meaning to do well at our jobs, have the house with the cars, be responsible productive members of society, have the nice clothes and the nice toys. None of this success is what really measures us. 1st Samuel 16: 7 says, “The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.“
So the question then is: What does your heart say?
Take for example Matthew 6: 19-21 “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. FOR WHERE YOUR TREASURE IS, THERE YOUR HEART WILL BE ALSO.”
In today’s world, and especially in this economy, we are taught to SAVE! To make sure we don’t live beyond our means (and we shouldn’t). We are taught to build up a retirement or savings account for the future (and I’m not saying to go spending). We are taught to think about the “wise” or “smart” decision. To think about the future and the “what-ifs”. The problem is: Where’s your treasure? I mean, I could play the “what-if” game but where would that really get me? Am I living for Christ then or for myself?
It might sound irrational to many when they hear me say “I’m selling everything” but isn’t that what God has called us to do? Take for example Matthew 19:16-30 “Now, a man came up to Jesus and asked, ‘Teacher, what good thing must I do to get eternal life?’…Jesus replied, ‘If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.‘” Luke 9:25 “What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit his very self?”
I tried the whole being “in control” thing and let me tell ya, it didn’t get me anywhere but hurt and pain. I was never satisfied with life. I always wanted more money to do more things and visit more places which in turn would still make me want MORE! And leave me with a pile of pictures and memories yet feeling empty and lonely!
I tried straddling both worlds but should’ve known better. Luke 16:13 “No servant can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money.” My life was in constant turmoil and stress trying to play both sides of the fence; living in the world with the boys and the toys and yet trying to serve God at the same time.
It was today I realized this was my “BUT” world. I was saying to God, “I believe in you BUT this guy isn’t so bad. He takes care of me. I believe in you BUT I can’t tithe this month because I need to pay off this bill that bought this toy (that I didn’t need) or I need to save for such and such activity or purse or clothes or jewelry” you get the point. I had become in control instead of allowing God to be in control. I would worry about the things of this world like my job, my material possession I had or didn’t have but wanted. It wasn’t until I realized “what is highly valued among men is detestable in God’s sight” (Luke 16:15) that I began to seek God’s will and not mine.
1 John 2:15-17 “Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For everything in the world-the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and does-comes not from the Father but from the world. The world and its desires pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever.”
I can’t say there are no more BUT’s in my life but I can say I have turned them to God. It isn’t easy but Jesus also said it wouldn’t be easy. He also didn’t say it would make sense.
So, yes, I am selling everything and going to follow after Christ. And no, it doesn’t make sense! Neither did Jonah surviving in the Belly of a Whale, or Shadrach, Meshach and Abendigo surviving in a fire, or water turning into wine, or the burning bush, or the parting of the red sea, or the blind receiving sight, or the dead rising to life again!
The cost is great but the reward is so much greater! Matthew 19:29 “And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or fields for my sake will receive a hundred times as much and will inherit eternal life.“So therefore I must (and have) fixed my “eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal” (2 Corinthians 4:18).
