Goodbyes have never been hard for me. Ever. I’ve always guarded my heart in a way that is incredibly unhealthy. I didn’t trust enough to let anyone hurt me; so walking away was always easy. Over the last few years God has been breaking down the walls I worked so hard to build up. He’s been preparing me. I won’t assume that this is what all the breaking down and building up was about, but I am so thankful that He’s led me into healthier relationship with others.
Although He has taught me how to be in relationship, I still didn’t think the goodbyes at the end of each month would be hard. I had this idea that since I was only going to be in the country for a month I wouldn’t be able to make such deeps connections, or ones that I would want so badly to keep. I wasn’t prepared for this – for giving out so many pieces of my heart that I couldn’t manage to collect all of them in the end. No, I wasn’t prepared for this, so I prayed and asked the Lord to help me in this area. I honestly didn’t think I could just love like I have this month.
I have met so many amazing people this month. Just amazing. They’re simple people, really. They live their lives day-to-day. They go to work (in ministry) and go home. They eat. They sleep. They’re simple. But for some reason they’ve managed to draw my heart out more and more every week. They’ve made saying good-bye indescribably hard. I’ve had the honor of working along side some of the most obedient, wise, and patient people (though I think my team taught them a lot of that patience.) I’ve learned a lot from these people. My ministry is better for having worked here. I wish I could introduce you to all of these people I’m writing about, but instead I will tell you of someone that has really impacted me this month.
One person I’ve had numerous opportunities to work with has bettered my walk in many ways, but the two ways that he has impacted me the most are in obedience and wisdom. In all the times we’ve had to work together our conversations have always been filled with wisdom. His life screams of his want to be solely obedient to the Lord, and in his pursuing that the Lord has blessed him immensely with wisdom. He may not know the impact he has had on my walk with Lord this month and he may not know how much he shines in these particular areas, but he does and he has made a great impact. Without giving any details he’s taught me to not make hasty or big decisions if there are influences on either side of the decision. He taught me to wait until it’s just the Lord and me. My decision should only be based on what the Lord wants of me, not what I want or what my friends want. That’s not to say that my wants or my friends’ wants don’t line up with the Lord’s will, but if they do that’s a plus. He’s also taught me patience with my team. I’ve observed his working with his team in his job, and sometimes it’s really demanding. Not only does he have his own to-do list, but also other’s to-do lists often become his. He is not easily angered by interruptions and when he does have to drop his agenda for another he has a great attitude about it. If he isn’t happy about it he doesn’t let it show. He’s taught me that anything I do I should do unto the Lord; this, he taught me by example of the way he works/serves, not by words. I can respect that. His love for the Lord is obvious and deep. He really longs to be like Jesus in every aspect of his life. In all the areas he has strengths I have weaknesses, so I’ve been blessed to work and learn from him.
Yeah, so a month of quality time with people who are all like this can make goodbyes a little harder than wanted. As much as my team and I have served we’ve been served. As much as my team and I have loved we’ve been loved. We’ve had multiple homes opened to us. People have cooked for us. People have driven us everywhere! People have invested in us without a second thought. They didn’t care about the time span they had with us, they made the best of the time they did have. I decided to reciprocate that. The Lord never calls us to a partial love. It’s a full, devoted love. I was so afraid of that, but these wonderful people made it safe. The Lord made this place safe to give away pieces of my heart. I don’t have to worry about collecting those pieces and putting myself back together before moving on because I know that the Lord is going to keep filling me as I go. He’s going to keep filling my heart, so that I can keep giving my all. This is dependence. This is a pre-prayered heart.
Thank you to everyone that has made this first month of this journey so dear, so full.
